Favvy_Okwans🖤

It's a lie when I said it was no big deal. Trust me, I was trying to be brave when I said, "We win some, we lose some." I woke up in the middle of the night clutching my chest because I couldn't breathe properly. Later, I cried myself to sleep because the possibility of what if simply wouldn't leave me. I participated in an essay writing competition recently. If you know me, you'll know my writing means the world to me. For me, it isn't just words on a blank page. It is soul to paper. It is pouring out the entirety of my being, unraveling every part of myself and laying it bare. I had plenty of time to write the essay, but I wouldn't be Favour Okwanyionu if I didn't leave things until the last minute. About a week before the deadline, I finally became serious about my research because I was writing on a topic I had little prior knowledge of. Eventually, my essay was ready. Because it meant so much to me, I was intentional. I was meticulous. I remem...

"There's something about falling so many times that the floor starts to feel like home." ~ X The worst kind of failure isn't the one that knocks you down. It's the one that teaches you to stay down. You've failed so much that you slowly begin to comply with it, you stop expecting things to work out, you stop dreaming as loudly, you stop trying as hard because, somehow, you've convinced yourself that disappointment is simply your portion. It's like discovering there's a basement beneath rock bottom, and deciding to furnish it. At first, every setback hurts. You cry, you question everything, you promise yourself you'll never let it happen again. Then it happens again. And again. Then one day, you don't even react anymore. You just dust yourself off and think, "Here we go again." It's funny how humans can adapt to almost anything, even disappointment. Maybe that's why some people never leave the floor. Not because they enjoy ...

I'm hardly a football fan, but one thing I deeply admire about the sport is the passion it inspires. The World Cup is currently ongoing, and you don't even have to watch a match to feel the tension. It's almost electrifying. I remember coming online and seeing that Egypt was leading. Omor I knew it wasn't going to be easy for Messi fans. I was still in transit then, but by the time I got home, I was shocked to discover that Argentina hadn't just equalised, they had gone on to win. Everywhere was alive. One sport having that much impact is astonishing because, damn. On the roads, in the streets, in viewing centres, everywhere possible, people were shouting, celebrating, and basking in the joy of the victory. That's what I envy about football. That's what draws me to it, the raw passion, the unfiltered excitement, the unwavering loyalty. Someone even said they didn't need to eat anymore that night because Messi had already satisfied them. Another joked tha...

A lot of things could be avoided if we just talked. That was the realization I came to today. I had a little quarrel with one of my favorite people, and for a few days we were at odds. It was such a weird feeling because this is literally the person who vets almost all my edits. I'd finish editing something, instinctively want to send it across, then remember we weren't exactly talking, and I'd just keep my phone. I don't keep grudges, that's too much work. I don't even let the sun set on my anger. I'm usually quick to be the bigger person. So as the days passed, I realized I wasn't angry anymore. Hurt? A little. Disappointed? Maybe. But angry? Not anymore. The problem was that we'd both said things in anger, and pride made it difficult to admit that maybe we had gone too far. We both knew something needed to be fixed, but neither of us wanted to be the first to lower our guard. As we finally made efforts to sort things out, it hit me that almost eve...

"What shapes you isn't what you want to become. It's the journey into who you want to become." ~ IAMP Sometimes, the process is frustrating. It's slow, uncomfortable, and can feel completely unnecessary, but that's exactly where the gold lies. I like to say that when it gets really hard, hold on a little longer. It might just be the point where things are about to change. Because in the end, it isn't really about the destination. It's about the process that gets you there. I remember when I decided I wanted to become a writer. I got a coach, excited to start learning how to write better. Instead of jumping straight into writing, he took me through a process. At the time, it honestly felt like pure wickedness. I couldn't understand why we had to spend so much time on drills that didn't seem to have anything to do with writing. Looking back now, I understand how priceless that process was. At the end of the day, it wasn't talent alone that sh...

You know that thing people say about how being scared of something somehow brings it your way? I've always brushed it off as one of those myths people repeat. That was until I experienced something yesterday  Yesterday, I attended my roommate's department fresher's event. At some point, they announced a game session, and immediately I heard the rules for one particular game, my heart started racing. I was genuinely scared, in fact, I almost stood up to leave. My roommate laughed and said, "Calm down, look around. This hall is filled with so many people, the chances of it getting to you are very slim." That sounded reasonable, so I sat back down, well, you can already guess what happened. Out of everyone in that hall, the game found its way to my side. I was so annoyed ehn, but according to my roommate, my fear was the reason it happened. She insisted I somehow "attracted" it by worrying so much. Now, I don't know if that's true. Was it simply coi...

It was my birthday today, and did the birthday blues get to me? Absolutely. I cried three different times today. If you had asked me why, I honestly wouldn't have had a reasonable answer for you. I just felt heavy. Every birthday carries two emotions. There's the thrill of becoming a year older and the panic of actually becoming a year older. This year was no different, except the panic seemed louder than the excitement. Still, I like to think I'm sober. Deeply grateful for life. Grateful that God has preserved me to see another year. I know that is a gift many never get to experience, and I don't take it for granted. The thing about birthdays is that they force you to reflect. They make you pause, look back, and compare where you are with where you thought you would be. And for someone like me, someone who sets specific goals and timelines for herself, birthdays almost always become an evaluation meeting. Did I become who I wanted to be? Did I do enough? Could I have t...

"Cut off the source and what it strengthens will eventually disappear." ~ X There's no fountain without a source. Literally everything we do springs from somewhere or someone. Every habit, every strength, every weakness, every pattern has something feeding it. Once that connection is severed, what it sustains begins to fade. This works both positively and negatively. I remember a season when I fell out of sync with my coach, for a long time, writing became difficult, words that used to flow effortlessly suddenly felt heavy. It wasn't until we found our rhythm again that the ease returned. Did you catch that? The connection was broken, and the flow disappeared. It reminds me of John 15:5 where Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever remains in me, and I in them, will bear much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." A branch cut off from the vine cannot keep growing, a fish outside water cannot survive. When the source of life is remov...

Somebody in my department, a 500 level student, died. Today, the department held a condolence procession and candlelight walk in his honour. I wasn't planning to attend because, truthfully, I didn't know him personally. But I knew someone who did, and somehow, that was enough to pull me there. It was an emotional roller coaster. He was so young. As people shared their memories of him, I realized just how deeply he had touched the lives around him. There were tears, laughter through tears, and countless stories of kindness, leadership, and love. Even when it started raining, nobody left. We kept walking through the rain, honouring a life that had ended too soon. Listening to those who knew him, it became obvious that he had lived well. He was the kind of person who carried light wherever he went. So when the person anchoring the procession said, "A good life is not marked by the length of days," those words stayed with me. Because as heartbreaking as today was, I left ...

Something can sound right and still not be right. Our study group sessions almost always end in an argument. Today's own started from a scripture, funny enough, we don't even remember where the arguments usually spring from. Once someone raises a point, books are abandoned, everybody is defending their view, and somehow the room turns into a debate hall. Honestly, it's one of my favourite parts of our meetings because everyone is willing to think, question, and learn. Today was no different, bible apps were open, research tabs kept loading, and Google was working overtime as each person tried to prove their point. As I listened, I realised something. Something can sound good, logical, and convincing, yet still not be true. Everyone's argument made sense in one way or another, but there's a difference between sounding convincing and actually being right. A well presented opinion is still just an opinion until it is tested against the truth. In our arguments, there...

"There's a level of kindness you experience and you just know you have to be kinder." X I've had a day today. From barely getting enough sleep last night, to leaving school and heading all the way to the Sapele Road axis in Benin just to rectify an issue that turned out to be far more stressful than I expected. Somehow, I still made it back to school in four hours for a practical session that almost dragged till forever, and then I got drenched on my way home. There was no emotion I didn't feel today. Fear, sadness, anger, hunger, frustration,, you name it, I felt it. But in the middle of all that, I also experienced a level of favour and kindness that genuinely melted my heart. It all started in a UNIBEN shuttle on my way to Ring Road. My phone was on one percent, pure tragedy. My power bank had conveniently chosen today to stop working. I didn't know what to do because I needed my phone for what I was going out to do. I swallowed my very large pride and aske...

I don't think people talk enough about how powerful second person POV is. You know those stories written with "I"? It feels like someone is telling you what happened to them. Then there's third person, which I totally love by the way, where you're following the characters around like a quiet observer, watching everything unfold. But second person? Guyyyy, you're not being told the story, you are the story. I just started reading "A Broken People Playlist" by Chimeka Garricks, which is a collection of short stories, and the very first one, Lost Stars, is written in second person POV. Mehn!!! When the male lead died, I actually cried. Not that "this is sad" kind of cry. It genuinely felt like I had lost someone, it was as though the story had borrowed my heart for a few pages and decided to break it before giving it back. That's the thing with second person POV. It doesn't just invite you into the story, it hands you an identity and s...

You see that award for "Best at Working Close to Deadline"? I deserve it, because the stunt I just pulled is actually crazy. I have this essay writing competition I've been planning to enter. I've known since the beginning of June that the deadline is the 30th of June. So tell me why it wasn't until this week that I even started thinking about it, and that's just thinking o. Given the topic I picked, I knew for a fact that I was going to spend hours researching before I could even begin writing. But what did I do? I kept pushing it forward with the confidence of someone who had all the time in the world. Not until today did I finally tell myself, "You know what? Let's get to work." Three days to the deadline.  Ladies and gentlemen, it was not easy. You know that moment when you keep postponing a task because you've convinced yourself it'll be a walk in the park? You're like, "Shey it's just research. Give me three hours and I...

The highlight of my day was a frustratingly fun argument. It started because of the "olodo uprising" statement made by the musician Ycee. I was firmly on his side, but a friend of mine wasn't buying it at all. And just like that, the debate began. We tried everything to convince madam, but she stood her ground. Her argument was that Peller is not Nigeria's problem, and honestly, I agree. Peller, as a person, isn't the problem. But that wasn't even the point I was trying to make. The idea of Peller goes beyond one individual. It represents a culture, an ideology, a worldview, and eventually, a lifestyle. People rarely become concerned because of one isolated action, the concern is what happens when that action is repeated, celebrated, copied, and normalized. That's how cultures are formed. Sometimes we're so determined to defend a position that we never climb down from our own mountain to look at the other side of the coin. Every action has a ripple eff...

One of the best parts of my day was a stranger stopping me on my way home to tell me about Christ. It was so beautiful because, guyyy, I had the day. You know how much of a crybaby I am. I'd cried like twice already, and there were still heartbreaking rejection replies coming in from the cold DMs I sent. Everything just seemed to be going somehow. Earpiece on, blasting one good jam so I wouldn't cry again, while quietly thinking about my life. Then this finnnnnnnnnnnnnne girl stopped me and asked if she could walk with me. My first thought was that she probably wanted to advertise her business or something. But when she asked if I knew God, I was like, "Okay, evangelism... but where's the church tract or flyer?" Long story short, we had such an interesting conversation as we walked to Backgate together. It was such an amazing time. It didn't feel like somebody preaching at me. It felt like two friends gisting about the latest trending news. Dearest reader, it ...

Before wine becomes wine, the grapes must first go through fermentation. In other words, allow your life to "spoil" and watch it get better. You know those seasons when it feels like your brain wants to explode? The seasons where it feels like you're at the very end of yourself? Hold fast. You will be shocked by the level of growth and progress waiting on the other side. A friend of mine is trying to launch something grand, and she was complaining about the pressure and stress. It got me thinking about how tough this season is going to be for her, yet how worth it the result will be. In the same way, grapes go through fermentation before becoming wine. The process is uncomfortable, but the outcome is far more valuable than the original form. Pressure is often a sign that something is happening beneath the surface. Growth is taking place. And honestly, if you're never feeling stretched, challenged, or uncomfortable, you're probably not moving very far. Progress isn...

"Life gives you what you negotiate by showing up every single day." ~ TheOlushola My coach would often say, "At the upper echelon of life, it's not about what you want or like, but what is right and what is important." Yes, it sounds strict, but it is true. To climb higher, you have to let go of what's comfortable, what you like, and go out of your way to embrace the unconventional. This shows in how you show up daily, how well you apply yourself. In showing up and giving every day your best shot, you negotiate for what you want life to give you. It's like a bargain. If I show up at the gym every day, I'll stop whining about my body and, over time, get the fitness I desire. So the showing up, the grinding, the consistency, that's the bargain. I have this woman on WhatsApp whom I greatly admire. She's such a gym girly, and there's even this meme of her showing up to the gym in native wear because if she had gone home to change, she would...

I had an "I hate my life" moment today. Of course, I don't actually hate my life, but there are days that test your patience so badly and threaten your sanity. I constantly felt like screaming, like letting out all the frustration I was carrying around. At some point, I had already decided that my life sucked. Then I got home, ate noodles, and suddenly realized that nah, nothing is wrong with the universe. Perhaps all is well in the world after all. It was one of those "there's so much to live for" kind of moments. Lol. Dearest reader, maybe you're not even depressed. Maybe you're just stressed. Maybe the problem is not really the problem, but a symptom. A ripple effect of something else being naturally out of place. We're so quick to write things off because of a feeling, or rather, because of the way we feel. But we often forget that feelings, while valid, can also be fleeting. What feels unbearable right now can feel insignificant a few hours ...

If there's one thing I feel a little too often, it's being overwhelmed. So much so that I coined my own word for it: "exhaustimulated". A collaboration between exhausted and overstimulated. But there's something I've learned recently. The reason I feel overwhelmed most times is because I'm looking at the billion things I have to do all at once. Everything is screaming for attention, and together it looks scary and insurmountable. So instead of going nuts over the 101 things on my plate, I've learned to focus on just one thing at a time. When I'm working on one task, I intentionally shut out the others demanding my attention. I lock in on that one thing, and honestly, that's how I've survived the past few crazy weeks. Because if I don't, the sheer weight of everything I need to do quickly turns into a kind of paralysis. The anxiety doesn't come from the work itself; it comes from trying to carry all of it in my head at once. Dearest ...

The highlight of my day today was when a friend of mine who I was talking to on call was about to use a word and she quickly stopped and was like, "Okay, no, we don't use that word here," because I'm always like that whenever she uses it. It had a nice ring to it that without even knowing, just because it's Favour she's talking to, she no fit talk spoil. And that somehow made me happy. It got me thinking about the little ways people show that they value us, not the grand gestures or dramatic declarations, but the tiny adjustments they make without being asked. The way they remember what matters to you, the way they become mindful of things simply because you are around. Maybe love, friendship, and care are hidden in those little moments we often overlook. In the pauses before certain words or the habits people quietly change or the consideration that says, "I thought about you before I acted." And honestly, I think that's beautiful. Dearest reade...