Birthday Blues.



It was my birthday today, and did the birthday blues get to me?

Absolutely.

I cried three different times today. If you had asked me why, I honestly wouldn't have had a reasonable answer for you. I just felt heavy.

Every birthday carries two emotions. There's the thrill of becoming a year older and the panic of actually becoming a year older. This year was no different, except the panic seemed louder than the excitement.

Still, I like to think I'm sober. Deeply grateful for life. Grateful that God has preserved me to see another year. I know that is a gift many never get to experience, and I don't take it for granted.

The thing about birthdays is that they force you to reflect. They make you pause, look back, and compare where you are with where you thought you would be. And for someone like me, someone who sets specific goals and timelines for herself, birthdays almost always become an evaluation meeting.

Did I become who I wanted to be?
Did I do enough?
Could I have tried harder?
Am I behind?

Those questions can be loud, but you see today? They screamed.

But as I sat with all those emotions, I realized something. Growth is rarely as obvious to the person growing. We are often so busy chasing the next milestone that we forget to acknowledge the mountains we've already climbed.

I'm not where I imagined I'd be, but I'm also not where I used to be.

So yes, today came with birthday blues, but it also came with gratitude.

And I think I'll choose to hold on to that.

Happy birthday to me.





@favvy_Okwansđź–¤.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

LESS THAN ONE.

Image
There are days when my arms are too heavy to hold a pen, my brain too disorganized to put a sentence together, my thoughts an unending swirl of emotions. But then there are days—days when my smile can break through your screen, invade your life, and steal alongside your heart. Days when my excitement can be likened to that of a 2-year-old, where my inquisitiveness and curiosity know no bounds. Well, today is the latter. But like a poet I love once said, "Even if the light's turned on and my fears are not gone, I'll give it my best shot because the show must go on." So, I'd like to talk about something today: the idea of "LESS THAN ONE." But before we dive into this, allow me to tell you a story. ***** Once upon a time, I had a friend. You know that feeling of being friends with the girl every guy wants, so you get a lot of "Please help me talk to your friend"? In school, we had our lunch bought by different guys each day—one of the ...
Read more

"NOT ADMITTED"

Image
She clicks on the Whatsapp group chat,  Yet another "Congratulations, you've been admitted", with her heart heavy, she angrily leaves the group, minimize out of Whatsapp. There she is patiently waiting for chrome to load her admission status, this is the third time today she's logging into her jamb caps.  Her eyes almost eager with hope, she muttered under her breath, "God please" The network server makes matter worst by going sluggishly as she clickes "Regular admission status" she closes her eyes, hoping against hope, praying fervently, that this time it'd be different.  But it's not, because as she opens her eyes slowly, she's greeted with an arrogantly boldly written, "NOT ADMITTED", screaming at her. Suddenly the dam breaks.  Silently, tears begin to stream down her eyes, taking a rather familiar router via her chin.  The urge to throw her phone across the room intensifies, she wishes she could will her admission into exi...
Read more

TEAM WORK

Image
It can be quite frustrating when a collective effort results in only one person receiving all the praise. Even if my contribution is just 1%, it shouldn’t be overlooked. You never know how these small efforts can make a significant difference. My bubugaga is back from school, and today we did a lot of tidying up. It’s amazing how I suddenly find the energy to work when she's around, despite my usual laziness. After completing so much work, we took a break—we were honestly worn out. Fast forward to the end of the day: everyone applauded her for a job well done, as though it was solely her effort. It felt off because I felt I deserved some recognition too—it was teamwork, after all. So, the point is, you never know how hurtful it can be when someone's effort goes unacknowledged. No matter how small the contribution, appreciate it alongside the major ones. Dearest reader, do you find yourself annoyed like myself when your effort is overlooked in a team work?  @favvy_Ok...
Read more