Favvy_Okwans🖤

Today was my bubugaga’s sign out, and mehn, it was so emotional for me because we had such elaborate plans for it, and somehow, everything just went south. Eventually, we had concluded that we probably wouldn’t be going. That sort of thing. But at the last minute, Kingatha and I decided to show up anyway, and honestly, it was perfect. She wasn’t expecting us at all. The journey was hectic, we were even late, and there were several moments when I wondered if we were doing too much. But the moment we got there, it was all worth it. Madam, who had claimed she would be perfectly fine if we couldn’t make it, literally screamed when she saw us. She ran towards us from a distance and hugged Kingatha, crying. And mehn, it got to me. Like, it meant that much to her that we came? And madam had been pretending to be all chill the whole time? My bubugaga crying in public? It must be AI, lol.nBut it was real and it was beautiful. Beautiful that, despite everything that tried to keep us from showing...

“Two things can be right at the same time.”.~ Kingatha Faith is not the absence of doubt. Low-key, behind every strong conviction is a part of you that wonders, that is not entirely certain, that asks questions and sometimes even doubts, and perhaps that is what makes faith, faith. Having doubts does not mean you do not have faith. You do not need to have some extraordinary, unshakable, mountain-moving kind of faith. Sometimes, all you need is just enough faith to keep going. Because faith and doubt can coexist. You can believe and still have questions, you can trust God and still wonder how things will work out, you can pray with confidence and still have moments where your heart whispers, “But what if it doesn't?” Two things can be right at the same time, you can be afraid and still be courageous, uou can be uncertain and still move forward. You can doubt and still believe. Dearest reader, I think we sometimes put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to have perfect fait...

Okay, that title is a little dramatic, lol. Long story short, I have been my sister’s personal nurse for a while, and one of my job descriptions is administering her medications. Something I had been doing flawlessly, until one day, I got distracted and mistakenly broke an injection bottle wrongly, spilling its entire content. It was awful. It was her last available dose, at an ungodly hour when there was no way to replace it, and she needed it. I felt so bad ehn, i was genuinely pained. I had never made such a mistake before, and apparently, it was an expensive one. Anyways, after that day, something strange happened, I became unable to break injection bottles. It sounds funny, but I genuinely couldn’t do it. I would pick up a bottle to open it, and suddenly, my heart would start racing. My mind would immediately take me back to that moment when I spilled the medication everywhere. I could remember the mistake so vividly that I had already convinced myself, “I can’t do this.” And then...

“Lord, help me cross. Lead me through.” King Solomon certainly wasn't playing when he said in Ecclesiastes that life is hevel. It is often translated as “vanity,” but the original Hebrew carries the idea of something like a vapor, breath, or mystery. Something elusive. Something you cannot quite grasp. Life is an “Lord, help me cross. Lead me through.” King Solomon certainly wasn't playing when he said in Ecclesiastes that life is hevel. It is often translated as “vanity,” but the original Hebrew carries the idea of something like a vapor, breath, or mystery. Something elusive. Something you cannot quite grasp. Life is an enigma. It is designed in such a way that sometimes, the harder you try to make sense of everything, the more questions you seem to have. You think you've finally figured something out, and then life changes the equation again. Recently, I had been hanging on by a thread. It was one of those chaotic seasons where everything felt uncertain, overwhelming, an...

It’s not every day that we are able to give 100% to the people we love. There are days we are drained, depressed, tired, frustrated, or simply running on empty. And I think one of the beautiful things about friendship is learning to give each other more grace during those seasons. I was talking with a friend today, and he mentioned something he calls “percentage love.” It sounded catchy, but the way he explained it fascinated me. He said, when a friend is going through something and all they can give at the moment is 10% of themselves, their energy, or their capacity, sometimes, for that friendship to work, I have to give more. Maybe I have to give 50% so that together, we can still make 60%. Maybe, in that particular season, I have to carry a little more because they simply cannot. And damn, that got me thinking. There are relationships that probably did not need to end, they just needed more of you at a particular point in time. Picture this. You’ve been friends with some...

I was listening to a teaching by Pastor Emmanuel Iren a few days ago, and he explained a concept that I couldn't get over. It was what I later found out is called the moral dilemma, or the trolley problem. Now, I want to ask you the two questions. Take a moment and really think about them. Here are the scenarios: 1. You’re controlling a runaway train. It’s heading towards five people who will die if you do nothing. You can pull a lever to divert the train onto another track, where one person will die. Question: Do you pull the lever? 2. Now imagine that the one person on the other track is your own child. The five people are strangers. Question: Would you still pull the lever? I'm pretty sure that when you read the first question, your answer was almost immediate. Save the lives of five people at the expense of one. It's the lesser evil, abi? But then you read the second question and suddenly, you're like, "Nah. To hell with the multitude. I'm savin...

Sometimes, it’s not about what was said, but how what was said made you feel. A friend of mine had some issues with her clearance this week, and because it’s the last week of our exams, she had to hurry to get everything sorted. She was going from one office to another, trying to fix things, and as you can imagine, she was already completely drained. Then something happened that made me think twice. She came back yesterday after all the stress and burst into tears. After I had calmed her down, I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that someone in one of the offices she had gone to said something mean to her. So I asked, “What did she say?” Guess what? Madam couldn’t remember. The thing that had apparently broken her heart so badly, she couldn’t even remember the exact words. In my head, I was like, “Wait. The thing that made you cry this hard, you can’t remember what was said? As how?” But then I realised something, it wasn’t necessarily the words, it was how those wo...

I had a conversation with a friend today and at the end of the day, one thing I left that conversation with is: I have got to be more selfish. Yes, I will be selling fish! Lol. But seriously, we explored the concept of necessary selfishness, the kind that is necessary to propel you forward. Because sometimes, being a good person can make you too accommodating, you understand everyone’s perspective, you consider everyone’s feelings, you give people grace, you make room for their limitations, and before you know it, you have made your own life negotiable. And I think there is a threshold. Have empathy, absolutely. Give people grace, understand that everyone has their limitations. But at the same time, be very thorough about what you want out of life and what you expect from the people you allow into it. You cannot be so considerate of other people that you become inconsiderate of yourself. There are things you have to be selfish about; your time, your purpose, your standards, the kind of...

There's this thing my coach would always say. He'd be like, "Always come back home when you are trapped." And honestly, there's something so soothing about that. It's giving, if all you can do is crawl, crawl back to your source, and it'll all be fine. There's something priceless about knowing that no matter where I go, no matter how far I wander, I can always come back. If I'm stuck, I can always reach out my hand, if I've lost my way, I know there's somewhere I can return to. I think one season when my coach demonstrated this the most was the season he cut me off several times because I refused to grow. And each time, somehow, I'd come crawling back, not because I deserved another chance, but because I knew that home was still home. And he'd be there, arms open, ready to receive me again. It taught me something about falling. Maybe the point isn't to never fall, maybe the point is to know where to go when you do. W...

“Don’t name situations based on the evidence you see, name it based on the future you desire.” ~ X What do you see? I think one of the craziest stories in the Bible is God telling Abraham, at an old age, to look up at the stars in the sky and try to count them, then telling him that his offspring would be just as numerous. Here’s the catch: Abraham actually believed it, and it was counted to him as faith. That’s such a Gbam!! moment for me because the audacity to see beyond your current situation is not even small. You’ve got to be delusional enough to look at what is and still believe in what could be, then go a step further and name it. Our experiences are limited, and we’re often stuck inside the box of what we’ve seen, what we’ve known and what is currently burdening us. But there are infinite possibilities outside our present reality. That’s why exposure is priceless. Sometimes, you just need to see that something is possible before the dreamer in you has the courage to believe it...

"Good intentions are not good enough." ~ X Gbammmm!! It was Eric Gugua who put it so brilliantly: "Don't put yourself in a position where you are at the mercy of someone else's intention when they don't have the capacity to do right by you." That line has stayed with me. It reminded me that it is entirely possible for someone to have the best intentions and still leave you hurt because their actions never reflect those intentions. While we should extend grace to people, there comes a point where continuously excusing their behaviour becomes self abandonment. Good intentions are beautiful, but they are not enough. The real question is, do your actions agree with your intentions? We are often quick to defend repeated misbehaviour with, "They didn't mean it." But after a while, intention stops being a convincing excuse. What you consistently do eventually becomes a reflection of what you truly intend. You cannot keep doing the same thing over ...

"Why are you angry? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?" ~ Genesis 4:6 to 7 Remember the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis? They both brought sacrifices to God. Abel's sacrifice was accepted, but Cain's wasn't. Cain became angry, hurt, and jealous. What I find interesting is that before Cain murdered his brother, God spoke to him. God didn't immediately condemn him. Instead, He asked, "Why are you angry?" Then He followed it with a question that still speaks today: "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?" In other words, God redirected Cain's attention from Abel back to himself. Cain's problem wasn't that Abel was accepted. His problem was that he refused to deal with the reason his own sacrifice wasn't. How often do we do the same? We get upset when someone else gets the opportunity we wanted, the promotion we prayed for, the recognition we hoped for, or the results we've been chasing. We beco...

"People experience people differently." ~ X I was watching a video today, and the person said, "Siblings do not have the same parents." In my head, I was like, "You say what?" But then it was explained, and it actually made sense. Come to think of it, the way your parents treat you is often different from how they treat your younger or older sibling. Every child gets to experience a unique side of their parents. For instance, the last born is often treated with a little more warmth. They get to experience the more relaxed side of their parents, while the first born is usually raised with stricter hands and higher expectations. Growing up, I had so much freedom. I was the child who could wake up one morning, decide I wanted to attend a camp meeting the next day, pack my bags, and leave. It still baffles my siblings because if they wanted to do something as simple as visit a friend, they either had to sneak out or come up with an elaborate excuse. Me? I'...

There's this thing people do that honestly gets on my nerves. They state the obvious. For instance, I say, "I can't sleep," and the next suggestion is, "Have you tried closing your eyes?" Wow. I didn't think of that. It never occurs to some people that before someone reaches a conclusion, they've probably exhausted the most obvious options already. Most times, when we complain, we're speaking from the point of having tried and still not getting the result we want. So when I say I can't sleep, I've already closed my eyes. When I say I have a headache, trust me, paracetamol has crossed my mind. When I say I'm tired, I've definitely considered resting. Not every complaint is a request for obvious solutions. Sometimes people simply want to be heard, understood, or maybe offered a perspective they haven't considered, not the first thing that came to everyone else's mind. Dearest reader, the next time someone tells you they'...

"If you protect yourself from the lows, you end up missing all the highs too." ~ X The two go hand in hand, the best and the worst. To get to the best, you'd have to be willing to survive the worst. It's all part of the journey. Sometimes we're frightened by the level of risk. We're scared to try because, what if I fail? But if you're never willing to fail, how exactly do you expect to win? Take the germination of a seed, for instance. The seed is planted and covered with soil. It stays dormant for a while, hidden in the dark. At what looks like its lowest point, buried beneath the earth, it begins to sprout. And from that place comes the beautiful plant we admire. Just like the seed, we must understand that growth isn't always glamorous. There will be seasons that feel slow, lonely, and uncertain. Seasons where it seems like nothing is happening, but that doesn't mean nothing is growing. Dearest reader, don't run from the lows so much that you...

There's this thing Pastor Iren would often say, and I find it so profound. He'd say, "We can play, as long as we know there are some things we can't play with." In my head, I'd always be like, Gbam! Some people call it standards. Me, I call it non-negotiables, because every individual has to have the basics they don't joke with. While everything else is negotiable, we can dance around preferences and vibe around opinions, there are just some things that simply cannot be played with. Now, when we differentiate the negotiables from the non-negotiables, then we can truly walk together. You see that scripture that says, "Can two walk together unless they agree?" What do you think they are actually agreeing on? They obviously cannot agree on everything, can they? Yet, they must agree on something, and that becomes the basis of their journey together. That is what I believe non-negotiables are. And we must prioritise this above all else. We must put sy...

I was having a conversation with my coach the other day, and we got talking about the concept of easy and hard. You see, when you hear the word easy, what comes to mind? Effortless, abi? But what if easy isn't all that? And what if hard isn't all work? Because what you do with ease isn't always easy, and what you do with difficulty isn't always hard. What we call easy or hard is often a product of habit and work. Ease is mostly habit with a little work. Hard is mostly work because the habit hasn't been built yet. The thing about habit is that it is built over time. So you'll notice that when you ask someone who has gained mastery in an area how they did it, their explanation often sounds surprisingly simple. They give you steps that worked for them, but those same steps may not work the same way for you because you're both standing on different habits. What they do, they now do almost automatically. You, on the other hand, are still building the foundation t...

Dearest reader, I do not have a profound insight to share this day, but here's a poem from my day! The chair feels like punishment. It is strange how sitting down can hurt more than standing, yet all your body wants is the kindness of a bed. Inside me, something keeps tightening, loosening, then tightening again, like a child who won't stop pulling at a loose thread. Differentiation. Integration. The numbers stare back at me, and for the first time, I think they are winning. My water bottle is downstairs. On a normal day, that is barely a journey. But you see today, those stairs look like they belong to a different country. So I stay here, mouth dry, head heavy, hoping thirst would just learn patience. Funny how the smallest things become impossible when your body decides today is the day it will remind you that it has limits. Welcome to a day in my life! Where the greatest achievement is not solving past questions, but making it through the next minute without crumbling. Good ...

The highlight of my day was coming across an old write up I wrote sometime in August 2024. It was titled Profound Lessons from Drum Lessons. It was hilarious, but also beautifully written. While reading it, I noticed I had mentioned someone I no longer talk to. Somehow, whenever I hear that person's name now, the only thing that comes to mind is our last memory together, and it wasn't a pleasant one, it was a fight. So stumbling upon that write up and being reminded that my experience with this person wasn't always horrible was surprisingly refreshing. It made me realize how easily we reduce people to one experience. Here I was, convinced this oga was a completely terrible person, only to be reminded that it wasn't always like that. There was a time when he was a source of inspiration, a good friend, and a solid support system. Sometimes, one painful ending becomes so loud that it drowns out every good memory that came before it. We let one chapter rewrite the entire st...