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I’ve really had a long day. Today, I had a report to fill and I’m not even exaggerating when I say it almost finished me. I do reports every week, so I started the day feeling confident. Like, okay, Favour Okwanyionu, new territory but we can handle it. The only difference was that this particular report had a totally different format from the one I’m used to. My boss even suggested I meet someone who has done it before, just to guide me. But me? I said, “Shey report is report. I’ll figure it out.” Ah. That was how I spent over 8 hours glued to my phone screen, pressing, checking, correcting, and starting over like a confused apprentice. At some point, my eyes were literally hurting, my brain was tired, and the worst part was I couldn’t even complain properly because I knew this suffering was self-inflicted. I refused help with my full chest, so I had to endure the consequences with the same chest. Eventually, after what felt like a lifetime, I finally submitted it. Late? Y...
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It’s funny how insecurity in Nigeria always feels like something that happens to “other people” until it happens to someone close to you. We hear bad news every day. Kidnapping, robbery, missing people, gunshots. One horror story after another, and because it has become so regular, we’ve almost unconsciously learned how to scroll past it. Not because we don’t care, but because if we let everything pain us, we won’t survive mentally. But then it happened to my smallie. A few days ago, her phone was stolen inside a keke, at gunpoint. Just like that. She left the house normally and came back shaken, and phoneless. It was one of those situations where it’s either “your life or your phone” and obviously, life comes first. But what really shook me wasn’t the phone. It was the reality that this thing is no longer “news.” It’s no longer far away. It’s no longer something that only happens to strangers on Twitter. It is at our doorstep, and that’s the scary part. Because at this point, it’s not...
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Lord, I believe, help my unbelief.

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Story story!!! We’ve all heard the line, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.” It’s such a paradoxical statement. Like how can you say you believe, and still ask for help with unbelief? But the funny thing is, that line is one of the most human things ever said in the Bible. Background story, in Mark 9, a father brought his son to Jesus for healing. The child had been suffering since he was young. He would convulse, fall, foam at the mouth, and the spirit in him would sometimes throw him into fire or water, almost like it was trying to kill him. And the father, desperate and tired, said to Jesus: "If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." First of all, as I was reading it, I just paused and said, “Wait o… you know who you’re asking if He can do anything?” Jesus replied and basically told him that everything is possible to the person who believes. And the way I imagine it, the father quickly grabbed the opportunity, almost like, “Yes! Yes! I believe!” But then he ad...
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FEELING.

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For the 100th time, you’re not your feelings. “There are days where the world feels like nothing more than a movie, and every day is another scene that requires a new me. I’m expected to act as though I don’t care who sees me, but the audience is filled with people who see right through me.” ~ (A poem sitting rent free in my head all day) You can feel all shades of overwhelmed and overstimulated, but that’s not you. You’re not your pain, your mistakes, your depression. You’re just you. There are days I wake up feeling so ugly. My adorable cheeks feel like a burden, my charming smile gives fake vibes, pimples break through my face, and not to mention my crazy hair. Now, I know I’m beautiful, drop dead kind of gorgeous, but there are days that test the extent of how I truly rate myself. And I can’t lie, I fall for it every now and then. The point is, you can be beautiful and not feel beautiful, and that’s completely fine. What is not fine is concluding you’re ugly simply beca...
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Dearest reader, today has been eventful. It started with an overhyped enthusiasm because finally, I was going home. Next was writing the easiest paper I’ve written since this exam began, then catching up with a few friends, and finally heading to the park to begin my journey home. Now, for what was supposed to be a 3 hour journey, I got to the park by 3pm and as I’m writing this, I’m still on the road. Funny thing is, I had this day planned down to the tiniest details. In my head, I should’ve been home by 7pm, sharp, if everything went well. But it made me think of how life doesn’t always follow our plans. Still, one thing is certain, even if we don’t arrive on time, this long, stressful, annoying ride will eventually come to an end. Side gist: our vehicle tyre just burst as I’m writing this. And I promise you, I’m not frustrated. 😭 Let me console myself with the fact that Jesus already said that in this life, we will face trials and tribulations. The point is, even if it ...
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I read somewhere that when something keeps happening to you, instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” you should ask, “What is this trying to teach me about myself?” And honestly, have you ever had to learn the same lesson over and over again? If you have, you’ll understand how annoying it can be. Because guyyyy, I thought I learnt this last time na. Why do I keep missing the mark? Why do I keep experiencing something I should have learnt from and moved on? But it happens to the best of us. We think we’ve learnt our lesson, and then boom, it shows up again like a recurring decimal. And instead of beating yourself up, ask a better question: what is this situation trying to reveal about me? In the words of ID Kabasi, leave what’s happening and focus on what’s actually going on. Because what’s happening is a recurring lesson, but what’s actually going on is the deeper part of you that the lesson is trying to expose. And the universe is funny like that. If you don’t arrive at abso...
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WE DECIDE WHAT WE BECOME.

We decide the kind of people we want to be, irrespective of our upbringing, our background and whatever was passed down to us, there's just a point where we get to decide and take responsibility of who we become. I like how James Clear put it in his book, Atomic Habit, every action is a vote for the kind of person you want to be. This is to say that everything I do, is me choosing each day to become a certain kind of person, for instance if I tell myself that I want to do 50 press-up and then I stop at 30, I'm telling myself that it's okay to give up and overtime I'll become the kind of person that starts but doesn't follow through. If I push the blame to everyone else but myself, by that action I'm choosing to become someone incapable of owning up to my shi, and that's what I'd become over time. Now, why I agree that there're factors backing the way we behave at times, factors like upbringing and all, despite that, everyday we get to decide what tra...
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