Favvy_Okwans🖤

"Why are you angry? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?" ~ Genesis 4:6 to 7 Remember the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis? They both brought sacrifices to God. Abel's sacrifice was accepted, but Cain's wasn't. Cain became angry, hurt, and jealous. What I find interesting is that before Cain murdered his brother, God spoke to him. God didn't immediately condemn him. Instead, He asked, "Why are you angry?" Then He followed it with a question that still speaks today: "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?" In other words, God redirected Cain's attention from Abel back to himself. Cain's problem wasn't that Abel was accepted. His problem was that he refused to deal with the reason his own sacrifice wasn't. How often do we do the same? We get upset when someone else gets the opportunity we wanted, the promotion we prayed for, the recognition we hoped for, or the results we've been chasing. We beco...

"People experience people differently." ~ X I was watching a video today, and the person said, "Siblings do not have the same parents." In my head, I was like, "You say what?" But then it was explained, and it actually made sense. Come to think of it, the way your parents treat you is often different from how they treat your younger or older sibling. Every child gets to experience a unique side of their parents. For instance, the last born is often treated with a little more warmth. They get to experience the more relaxed side of their parents, while the first born is usually raised with stricter hands and higher expectations. Growing up, I had so much freedom. I was the child who could wake up one morning, decide I wanted to attend a camp meeting the next day, pack my bags, and leave. It still baffles my siblings because if they wanted to do something as simple as visit a friend, they either had to sneak out or come up with an elaborate excuse. Me? I'...

There's this thing people do that honestly gets on my nerves. They state the obvious. For instance, I say, "I can't sleep," and the next suggestion is, "Have you tried closing your eyes?" Wow. I didn't think of that. It never occurs to some people that before someone reaches a conclusion, they've probably exhausted the most obvious options already. Most times, when we complain, we're speaking from the point of having tried and still not getting the result we want. So when I say I can't sleep, I've already closed my eyes. When I say I have a headache, trust me, paracetamol has crossed my mind. When I say I'm tired, I've definitely considered resting. Not every complaint is a request for obvious solutions. Sometimes people simply want to be heard, understood, or maybe offered a perspective they haven't considered, not the first thing that came to everyone else's mind. Dearest reader, the next time someone tells you they'...

"If you protect yourself from the lows, you end up missing all the highs too." ~ X The two go hand in hand, the best and the worst. To get to the best, you'd have to be willing to survive the worst. It's all part of the journey. Sometimes we're frightened by the level of risk. We're scared to try because, what if I fail? But if you're never willing to fail, how exactly do you expect to win? Take the germination of a seed, for instance. The seed is planted and covered with soil. It stays dormant for a while, hidden in the dark. At what looks like its lowest point, buried beneath the earth, it begins to sprout. And from that place comes the beautiful plant we admire. Just like the seed, we must understand that growth isn't always glamorous. There will be seasons that feel slow, lonely, and uncertain. Seasons where it seems like nothing is happening, but that doesn't mean nothing is growing. Dearest reader, don't run from the lows so much that you...

There's this thing Pastor Iren would often say, and I find it so profound. He'd say, "We can play, as long as we know there are some things we can't play with." In my head, I'd always be like, Gbam! Some people call it standards. Me, I call it non-negotiables, because every individual has to have the basics they don't joke with. While everything else is negotiable, we can dance around preferences and vibe around opinions, there are just some things that simply cannot be played with. Now, when we differentiate the negotiables from the non-negotiables, then we can truly walk together. You see that scripture that says, "Can two walk together unless they agree?" What do you think they are actually agreeing on? They obviously cannot agree on everything, can they? Yet, they must agree on something, and that becomes the basis of their journey together. That is what I believe non-negotiables are. And we must prioritise this above all else. We must put sy...

I was having a conversation with my coach the other day, and we got talking about the concept of easy and hard. You see, when you hear the word easy, what comes to mind? Effortless, abi? But what if easy isn't all that? And what if hard isn't all work? Because what you do with ease isn't always easy, and what you do with difficulty isn't always hard. What we call easy or hard is often a product of habit and work. Ease is mostly habit with a little work. Hard is mostly work because the habit hasn't been built yet. The thing about habit is that it is built over time. So you'll notice that when you ask someone who has gained mastery in an area how they did it, their explanation often sounds surprisingly simple. They give you steps that worked for them, but those same steps may not work the same way for you because you're both standing on different habits. What they do, they now do almost automatically. You, on the other hand, are still building the foundation t...

Dearest reader, I do not have a profound insight to share this day, but here's a poem from my day! The chair feels like punishment. It is strange how sitting down can hurt more than standing, yet all your body wants is the kindness of a bed. Inside me, something keeps tightening, loosening, then tightening again, like a child who won't stop pulling at a loose thread. Differentiation. Integration. The numbers stare back at me, and for the first time, I think they are winning. My water bottle is downstairs. On a normal day, that is barely a journey. But you see today, those stairs look like they belong to a different country. So I stay here, mouth dry, head heavy, hoping thirst would just learn patience. Funny how the smallest things become impossible when your body decides today is the day it will remind you that it has limits. Welcome to a day in my life! Where the greatest achievement is not solving past questions, but making it through the next minute without crumbling. Good ...

The highlight of my day was coming across an old write up I wrote sometime in August 2024. It was titled Profound Lessons from Drum Lessons. It was hilarious, but also beautifully written. While reading it, I noticed I had mentioned someone I no longer talk to. Somehow, whenever I hear that person's name now, the only thing that comes to mind is our last memory together, and it wasn't a pleasant one, it was a fight. So stumbling upon that write up and being reminded that my experience with this person wasn't always horrible was surprisingly refreshing. It made me realize how easily we reduce people to one experience. Here I was, convinced this oga was a completely terrible person, only to be reminded that it wasn't always like that. There was a time when he was a source of inspiration, a good friend, and a solid support system. Sometimes, one painful ending becomes so loud that it drowns out every good memory that came before it. We let one chapter rewrite the entire st...

"It's either they get the message and they change, or they don't get the message, but they stop abusing you." ~ X To that one person who feels that speaking up about what makes you uncomfortable would get you misunderstood or ruin the friendship, hear me out. Not talking isn't protecting the relationship, it's empowering the behaviour that keeps hurting you.  Read that axiom again. Most times, we're so scared of how people will react to our feelings that we choose silence instead. We convince ourselves that enduring it is easier than having an uncomfortable conversation, but silence rarely solves anything, more often than not, it teaches people that your boundaries are optional. The truth is, it can only go two ways; They either get the message and make an effort to change, or they don't fully understand it, but they become aware enough to stop doing the very thing that makes you uncomfortable. Either way, you've been heard, and to me, that's a...

"It's not the action, it's the person." ~ X We all have exceptions. People we hold in high esteem, people we admire so deeply that even if we'd never do a particular thing for the rest of the world, we'd do it for them without thinking twice. We'd give an arm and a leg, simply because it is them. Now, here's the crazy part. Betrayal only feels like betrayal when it comes from the people you've made exceptions for. When they do the very things you never imagined they were capable of, it hurts in a way that words struggle to explain. Because not everybody can hurt you. The people who truly can are the ones you've given permission to, the ones you've trusted enough to get close, the ones you've loved enough to let your guard down around. That's why they say love and trust are like handing someone a knife and hoping they don't stab you. They are the exceptions, they have access, they have the capacity to wound you in ways strangers ...

Just because you're considerate doesn't mean you'll be considered. One of the hardest lessons adulthood teaches is this: people don't always love the way you love, think the way you think, or show up the way you would. Sometimes, we make the naive mistake of expecting people to do right by us simply because we would if the tables were turned. We assume our kindness will be mirrored, our loyalty reciprocated, our consideration returned. And when it isn't, it hurts, but growing up is realizing that people will be, well,,, people. There's a saying that goes, "You cannot control what people do, you can only control what you do." I'd like to add something to that. You also cannot expect people to treat you the way you would treat them. The only thing you truly have control over is how you choose to respond. That's why I love this quote by Eric Guaga, "Don't put yourself in a position where you are at the mercy of someone else's intentio...

There is something called the illusion of competence. It is the tendency to overestimate how good we are at something because we do not know enough to recognise how much we do not know. Sometimes, I think there is a similar thing with importance. The illusion of importance. The belief that we are more significant in people's lives than we actually are. That people are thinking about us as much as we think about ourselves, that our absence is being noticed, that our opinions are being carefully considered, that everyone is watching, analysing and remembering. But most people are busy living inside their own heads. They are thinking about their own problems, their own insecurities, their own mistakes, their own futures. They are worrying about the things you probably never noticed about them, just as you are worrying about the things they probably never noticed about you. You think everyone noticed that awkward thing you said, they probably forgot, sometimes, nobody even noticed you ...

“Onto Him who is able to keep us from running mad...” ~ Eric Guaga I came across this line yesterday in a video by Eric Guaga and, omor, it made so much sense. Like, mahd because I could virtually relate. There are seasons you go through that feel like the universe is actively testing your sanity. Seasons where you are almost losing it, where you are hanging on by a thread and wondering how much more you can take. Yet somehow, even in the middle of the storm, even when everything feels like it is going crazy, there is just this Guy upstairs, quietly ensuring that you do not completely lose yourself. And that is such an epic advantage. To have a God who keeps you grounded. A God who allows you to go through fire without being consumed by it, a God who lets you experience tribulations without allowing the tribulations to completely destroy you. Because life is already tough. Every day comes with at least a thousand things competing for your sanity. There is always something to worry abou...

You know what pisses me off so much? People knowing that you're a certain way, choosing that with open eyes, and then waking up one morning to decide that you being what you've always been is suddenly a problem. Now, this isn't talking about the extreme where people refuse to grow and stick to "take me as I am" or "this is who I am," but the sudden having an issue with parts of people they never hid. I would always say, the purest form of love is letting people be themselves, the messiest, craziest, cringiest versions of themselves. Just allow them. My roommate loves music like her life depends on it. From K-pop, where you don't even hear or understand what the singers are saying, to rap and trap. I don't fancy music much, but I've always known that coexisting means signing up for certain not-so-much-my-kind-of-things, so we let each other be ourselves. Now, imagine I wake up one day and I'm like, new rule: I don't want to hear any K-...

I was recently gifted Canva Pro, and you wouldn't believe that I've been having a hard time creating designs. I know it sounds crazy, but as a Canva designer, one of my greatest dreams was to get Canva Pro. I imagined that since I already did fairly well with the free version, having access to Pro would completely transform my designs. I would have access to better templates, finer elements, and more creative freedom. No more restricting my ideas because I couldn't access a particular template or feature. But that wasn't exactly what happened. The moment I got Canva Pro, I became utterly indecisive. Suddenly, I had access to an overwhelming number of templates, elements, fonts and possibilities. Instead of making magic, I panicked. I couldn't decide where to start, I would scroll through template after template, searching for the perfect one, and somehow end up creating nothing. I couldn't figure it out. Why was I suddenly design paralyzed? The more ...

Not Every Story Goes the Way We Think It doesn't always end with a happily ever after. The people you believed would be there no matter what could eventually turn their backs on you, and it's totally fine. If anything, it's just life. Life happens every day, and each day comes with its own surprises. I have always been big on friendships. My bubugaga would say I carry them on top of my head like government work, and she would always warn me to protect myself because friendship breakups can be the most painful, especially for people who are deeply invested, like I am. At the time, I didn't get it, I believed I was the exception, “Not my friends", “We're going to be forever” that kind of yada. But the thing with shortsighted is that you learn quickly, and if you're stubborn like me, you'll fight for the friendship with everything you've got. You'll chase the “Why us?” and ask, “We're supposed to do life together na”. And maybe that's the h...

“What you want to do is overrated.” ~ Eric Guaga I was watching a YouTube video by Eric Guaga today when he made the statement above, and I had to pause. In a world where we are constantly told to do what we want and pursue our dreams, he was saying the opposite. Do what you have to do. Leave what you want to do for later. Oftentimes, what we want to do is subjective. It is shaped by our environment, conditioning, exposure, and a lot more. As we gain more insight and acquire more knowledge, our perspectives can change. The things we once wanted may no longer appeal to us. So perhaps we shouldn't be in such a hurry to do what we want to do at the expense of what we have to do. Most times, what you have to do is annoying, tedious, uninteresting, not your thing, or simply not your preference. But in the long run, if you stick with it and do it well, it may take you exactly where you want to be. Growing up, I wanted to be so many things at so many different points in my life. And every...

After such a crazy weekend, Monday also came with its own wahala and in between losing my shi, my bubugaga called and an hour later I was all smiles. Sometimes, you need a really good conversation. Sometimes, it doesn't take much to feel better because after that call, all that was bothering me wasn't exactly solved immediately, but I felt so light. Dearest reader, it gets hard every now and then, hence it is necessary to have people you can unravel to, people you can come undone to and before saying a word they know exactly how you want to be comforted. I like to say, life is already hard, imagine doing it alone? You'll just craze, no jokes. My bubugaga re echoed something during our call and it was, "You can't figure it all out by yourself." Man was never designed to do life alone. You don't know it all, and sometimes strength looks like asking for help. So cherish your people. Call them back. Let them hold your hand when the road gets rough, and don...

 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” — Proverbs 13:12 There's nothing more annoying than being given false hope. You know that moment when you eagerly look forward to something, hold on to the possibility of it, and then it doesn't work out? In that moment, it honestly feels like the world should just end. That's exactly how I felt today. I was actually doing okay, content, even. Then I was given the possibility of getting my phone fixed today. I was genuinely excited because, low-key, being phone-less sucks. The moment I believed it could actually happen, I suddenly had this extra spring in my step. It's funny how hope can instantly change your mood. Well, at the end of the day, it didn't happen. Omor, I was so sad, sadder than I had been when the phone first got damaged. That's what hope does. It lifts you up, and when it's suddenly taken away, the fall feels even harder. Please don't sell me false hope. The...