MEN DEY" (5)

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"People know exactly what they are doing."

That was my exact reaction when I heard her say, "I'm still looking for my previous predator."

Because what??

You literally called the person a predator. A predator! Which, if we're going by the hunter's description of the different kinds of men, is the kind of man who hunts, pursues, and goes after what he wants, he doesn't nurture, he's there to kill and eat, and you're telling me that after recognising this person for what he was, you're still looking for him?

Now, I understand that human beings are complicated, there are times we know something is bad for us and still find ourselves drawn to it. Sometimes, knowing better and doing better are two entirely different conversations. But this particular statement got me thinking.

What exactly are we looking for?

From the conversation, she had experienced someone who nurtured her, someone who offered a different kind of treatment, yet she still found herself looking for her previous predator. And I couldn't help but wonder, what was it about that previous experience that she was still searching for?

And maybe that is one of the most difficult things about human relationships: you can recognise that someone is bad for you and still desire what being with them made you feel.

Knowing that someone is a predator doesn't automatically erase whatever attraction you had towards them. It doesn't mean the memories disappear or that your emotions will immediately align with what your head already knows. But recognising those feelings for what they are is important, because desire is not always a reliable indication of what is good for us.

And this is where personal responsibility comes in. We cannot always control the first feeling, the unexpected attraction, or the person who catches our attention. But we can begin to question our patterns. We can ask ourselves why we're drawn to certain people, what we're hoping to receive from them, and whether the things we crave are actually serving us.

Because at some point, we have to be honest with ourselves about the things we keep returning to.

Dearest reader, the question isn't simply why we keep going back to people who hurt us. Perhaps we should also ask ourselves what we believe those people possess that we cannot find elsewhere.

Sometimes, the person we're looking for isn't necessarily the person we need. Sometimes, we're looking for a feeling, and we've attached that feeling to someone who has already shown us the cost of pursuing it.

It's like we see fire and still put our hands right through?

@favvy_Okwans🖤.