“MEN DEY” (1)

"They are always exceptions to the rule, but what makes you feel that you can be the exception?" ~ Mr Paul.

Before I talk about the video, lemme tell you a story from one of the medical series I've been watching.

There's this character, Izzie Stevens. She woke up one day to discover that she had cancer, but the cancer had dangerously spread. Even with treatment, radiation and multiple surgeries, she had only a 5% chance of survival. Five per cent wasn't much, but it was all she had, so she fought. And somehow, she survived. It was a medical miracle. Nobody treating her believed she would make it, but she did.

Now, Izzie was that one in a million chance. Because even people with a 70% chance of survival can still die, do you get? A high chance of survival doesn't guarantee life, and a slim chance doesn't make survival impossible.

Now, back to the video. Men dey.

The idea is that somewhere out there, there are still young, rich men who are ready to spend lavishly on the women they love. Men who will buy you things, take you on expensive trips and give you the kind of lifestyle that makes people ask, "God, when?" 

And yes, men like that exist. But just like the Izzie Stevens situation, finding a man who is young, financially capable of providing that lifestyle and genuinely willing to do so out of love is a different conversation entirely. If you ask me, the odds are slim.

Let's look at the facts, this is Nigeria. The economy is already against us, and almost everybody is trying to find a way to make ends meet. In the absence of better opportunities, some people even turn to things like internet fraud and other questionable means of making money.

So, where exactly is a genuine 25-year-old man supposed to get the kind of money required to maintain such an exotic lifestyle? Of course, there are exceptions. Some come from wealthy families, some have successful businesses, and others have found legitimate ways to make good money at a young age. But we have to admit that these aren't necessarily the circumstances of the average young Nigerian man.

Let's even agree that these men exist in abundance. There are still certain things that would make you a likely candidate for that kind of relationship. Remember Izzie? She had world-class doctors treating her, she was a surgeon herself, and most of her friends were doctors. She had access to some of the best healthcare available, and yet, her survival was still considered a medical miracle.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Sometimes, we see an exception and unconsciously turn it into an expectation. We see a woman being spoiled by a wealthy man and begin to believe that this is what love should look like for everybody. We forget that what is possible for one person isn't necessarily probable for everyone else.

And before someone comes to tell me that I'm discouraging women from having standards, biko, that's not the point. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a financially stable man who is generous and intentional about loving you. There is nothing wrong with wanting a soft life either. But there's a difference between having standards and building your expectations around the rarest possible outcome.

Dearest reader, men dey, no doubt. But the question is, are you building your expectations around what is possible or what is probable? And even more importantly, if the man who loves you genuinely cannot afford the lifestyle you see on social media, would you still recognise his love?

Because at the end of the day, the goal shouldn't be to convince ourselves that exceptions don't exist. It should be to understand that we cannot build our entire expectations around the hope of being the one out of a million. 

#IAMFeminist

@favvy_Okwans🖤.