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A friend reached out today and reminded me of a piece I wrote on October 15th, 2024, titled “Not Admitted.” It was a very emotional piece for me because I could vividly remember the day I wrote it, where I was, what I was doing, and exactly how I was feeling.

It was one rainy afternoon. I was at the Moniepoint office, waiting to be attended to, I had to wait for a while, and I had already had a crazily stressful morning. I remember sitting there, exhausted and tired of all the congratulatory messages on the aspirant group chat, so I checked my JAMB CAPS for the umpteenth time, and the words “Not Admitted” staring back at me broke my tiny heart.

I remember crying there while it rained outside, not minding that I was in a public space. I remember how suffocated I felt, how much of a failure I felt, how hurt I was, and how badly I wished I could just will my admission into reality. It was one of the few times I have felt such deep despair.

Looking back now, it has been two years, and I did get the admission. Funny how I’ll be resuming 200 level on that same day, October 15th.

Crazy how, at that point, it felt like this huge, insurmountable problem. I was so fixated on it, so bent on getting that one thing right, that I could barely see beyond it.

Dearest reader, that day felt like my world had ended, but I can assure you, my world has ended a couple more times since then. It has crashed and burnt over things that, looking back at them now, feel minute and hardly worth the fuss. My world has fallen apart so many times it’s difficult to keep count.

Because that’s the thing about pain, it kills you right now, but with time, it gets better.

That’s exactly how I know I’m going to be fine regardless, because the now will always be overwhelming. Too much. So much. Yet eventually, it will be over, and someday I’ll look back and think, “Silly me.”

So when the now gets too hard to bear, I need you and me to remember that once upon a time, getting the admission was my biggest problem. That once upon a time, getting through first semester felt like a nightmare. That once upon a time, I went through a season that felt like I was going to die.

But I didn’t, I scaled through and so, even in the now, I know I’ll do just fine. You and I both.

P.S. It’s always so lovely to go back in time, it breeds a certain kind of gratitude.

@favvy_Okwans🖤