HEAL!!

Ladies and gentlemen, I went to church today. It has been almost a decade now, just exaggerating of course. But really, going to a new place and still figuring out where to fellowship has been my thing for a while, so everybody around me already calls me pagan.

Well, God helped me today. I had a beautiful service. I hope you did too.

***

There’s this one person on my contact list. He’s a friend. We share an interest in African literature and often recommend books to each other. Lately though, about 90 percent of his WhatsApp status posts have been about women and the terrible things women do. It has been very irritating.

At first, I just skipped. I believe everyone has their own opinions and views.

I was even considering blocking his status, but today I felt moved to ask him, “Why?” What have you been through?

It was irritating, honestly. But I also believe people don’t just become things. Experiences shape people, and behind every front is trauma or something that made them that way.

His response was, “All the women I’ve experienced were very toxic.”

While I felt that was a wild exaggeration, I understood one thing. This is a traumatized survival response.

So I gave a small lecture and a bit of advice, and I want to share it with you all.

The thing is, trauma is real. It is understandable to be a certain way because of what you’ve been through. But do you know what’s even crazier? Staying that way. Going through life with a fractured perspective. Like, how na?

There are beautiful souls out there. People with hearts of gold. People with amazing personalities. People who are literally bowls of sunshine. And you want to generalize and write off every woman, or most women, based on your limited experience? How many people have you really met?

And I’m not saying this to only men who hate women. I’m saying it to women who hate men too. We’re not fighting a gender war. If you’re wise and discerning, you should know better.

There are terrible people out there, whether man or woman. That’s life. Your experience may be horrible, but that’s no excuse to become a monster or to see the world through fractured lenses.

Dearest reader, life is tough. People do horrible things. But it is your responsibility to heal and make sure you don’t carry that fractured stench everywhere you go, because you will never be truly happy that way.

There’s a quote that says if you expect only bad things, only bad things will come to you. You attract what you believe in.

For instance, if I believe strongly that all men are trash, guess what I’ll keep encountering? Trash. It’s really that simple.

Heal. Move on.

@favvy_Okwans🖤.