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Do you know there is something called performance based love?

And do you also realise that you can be loved simply for being yourself?

Put a finger down if you once felt you had to deserve love and kindness.

Put a finger down if when a stranger does something kind for you, something they did not have to do, you silently tear up.

Put a finger down if the moment someone does something good for you, your mind rushes to how to reciprocate. Not always because you want to, but because you feel indebted. Like you did not deserve that kindness unless you earned it.

Put a finger down if good things confuse you more than they excite you. Partly because you imagine the worst. Partly because you are always searching for ulterior motives.

Put a finger down if you have loyalty down to a science. You give as much as you get. You love when you are loved. You feel obligated to love anyone who shows you kindness.

Put a finger down if you always fall for the kinder person. If kindness is your only real preference.

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In the words of Mr Ejimi,

“Anything you are doing to be loved is not love.”

The moment you feel you have to do in order to get, do in order to be loved, love becomes a performance. And once it becomes a performance, it loses its essence.

The funny thing is that some of us, myself included, did not learn early enough that you can be loved even though regardless upon still.

You can actually be loved by people who are not family. Sometimes even more. And when you have a fractured understanding of love, it feels like a scam. So you start doing everything to deserve it.

But here is the truth.

There is never a need to perform in love, love is not a show, if you already put up a façade for the world, you should not do the same for the people who love you even though regardless upon still.

I did not know this tendency was a sign of brokenness. That constant need to match every kindness. Every gesture. Every act of love.

I remember writing about how whenever something is done for me, my first thought is how to give back. My coach told me something then. I did not fully get it, but I listened.

He said, “Reciprocity is good, but what is the motive? Why are you always on edge to give back? Learn to say thank you.”

Dearest reader, learn to accept love without the unhealthy urge to repay it immediately. I am not saying be comfortable always receiving.

I am saying if you notice a pattern of always needing to give back equally, always, pause and question it.

It might be rooted in feeling undeserving of love. In believing you must work for it.

Pause, relax, you deserve love.

The even though regardless upon still kind.

Ciao.

@favvy_Okwans🖤.