When Certainty Meets Failure

Recently I have been looking forward to something I wanted so badly. I have tried at it a couple of times before and omor it has not been easy.

But this time was different, I told myself that I was certain about the success of the outcome. It was finally time, I deserved this, God and I had agreed on this, I had qavah-ed... you know these things naw.

Well, long story short, the first wave of disappointment came and boom! It revealed the depth of my certainty. I felt the fear and desperation of each time I had failed at this, and though I was being positive, my certainty was replaced with dread, the panic that history was bound to repeat itself.

And this led to a loop of questioning my reality, trying to decipher what I had done wrong this time. With my initial certainty shaking, it had me wonder if truly I was ever certain of the things I spewed. Did it end at the tip of my tongue or did it go further into my heart?

Dearest reader, that is the thing about failure, it brings you to the point of questioning your reality. That is why King Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, "Sorrow is better than laughter for it may sadden the face but it sharpens understanding."

It brings you to the point of reasoning, of thinking, and of questioning.

The problem was not in my initial certainty but in the shallowness of it. See, faith is in the way we live our everyday life, not in the affirmative words we confess. My certainty was me begging myself to believe, to key into a reality I so badly wanted.

The words you say and the things you hold with dear certainty, do they go beyond your lips?

@favvy_Okwans🖤.