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Growth sometimes is subtle

Like today, I had this thing I do on stage every service for this program we have going on. The program comes with quotes, confessions, and poems, all written for each day of the program.

It is my duty to read the poems during each service. It is not tasking at all, but my heart would not stop pounding each time I went up, and afterwards I would be shaking for like two minutes outside before getting myself back.

But this day was different. My phone, which I usually read from, suddenly seized on stage. Confusion flooded me because I did not know the poem by heart. I tapped and tapped, still nothing.

I pressed the off button and turned it back on, and boom it was working, so I continued reading the rest of the poem. Only after getting off stage did I realize how, in that split second of trying to get my phone to work again, instead of wishing the ground would open up and swallow me, I did not even think about how embarrassing it was.

Me? Favour Okwanyionu? Lord of worrying about every tiny imperfect detail? Expert at beating myself up over the unfortunate things I cannot fix?

My reaction surprised me.

Here is what I learned. I may never be able to get over that chest pounding before going on stage, but surely, with time I will get comfortable enough to forgive myself for flopping badly.

Dearest reader, growth happens in the small simple things, in the one percent where you handled things better than yesterday, in the moments you stood up for yourself in situations you once kept silent, in being and choosing you over judging you.

Funny enough, I feel we are the worst judges of ourselves. Nobody does it better than you, you know? But why?

@favvy_Okwans🖤.