THE THING WITH DEEP-ROOTED BEHAVIORS.

There are systems that govern the way people act and do things, and trust me, these systems take years to build either consciously or subconsciously.

When we point out unpleasant behaviors in others, we tend to want them to immediately change and do better, but we forget that these behaviors are backed by systems much older than we can imagine.

Growing up, I was in an environment that didn't permit me to speak or voice my opinions and thoughts. When I finally found my voice, I had incurred so much hurt and developed a negative wall of defense.

So, when I meet people who say I'm defensive, I get mad, because yes, I know, but it’s not something I can easily undo like a button-down dress. It's a system that took years to create.

The art of giving up old habits is a gradual, often rather slow process; it's not magic or rocket science.

When trying to fix certain behaviors in people, you must first seek the root of the problem. Whether you like it or not, people are not born the way they are. I often say in my feminist arguments that "Feminists are not born, they are made via experience," and this also relates to the reasons people act the way they do.

Another thing to keep in mind is the years it took that system of toxicity to breed. As the saying goes, "Rome was not built in a day." You can't expect a behavior built by 10 years of intense hate to crack in a few days or at once.

Dearest reader, loving people has proven to be one of the most effective ways to help them. Don't give rules, don't fight their flaws—just love them in a way that's so genuine and watch even the toughest people crack open.

@favvy_Okwans🖤