Favvy_Okwans🖤

 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” — Proverbs 13:12 There's nothing more annoying than being given false hope. You know that moment when you eagerly look forward to something, hold on to the possibility of it, and then it doesn't work out? In that moment, it honestly feels like the world should just end. That's exactly how I felt today. I was actually doing okay, content, even. Then I was given the possibility of getting my phone fixed today. I was genuinely excited because, low-key, being phone-less sucks. The moment I believed it could actually happen, I suddenly had this extra spring in my step. It's funny how hope can instantly change your mood. Well, at the end of the day, it didn't happen. Omor, I was so sad, sadder than I had been when the phone first got damaged. That's what hope does. It lifts you up, and when it's suddenly taken away, the fall feels even harder. Please don't sell me false hope. The...

 You can’t fall below the ground ke? You don’t even know that rock bottom has a basement. Just when I think, "You know what? I’ve seen the worst of it," boom, the universe unveils another level of it. It’s actually crazy. Tell me why I was being grateful that my tragedy was finally small enough to fit on the tip of my tongue, and then boom, my phone decides to go blind out of nowhere, a week before my exams. At this point, I don’t even have the strength to be sad, cry, or get angry. I’m just like, "Dear universe, Migwor" It’s not even funny, but I can’t help laughing. The craziest part? I don’t know how, but somehow I’m sure I’ll be fine. Dearest reader, this is merely a vent from an apparently heartbroken girl. I have no profound insight to share with thee today. Better luck next time. Anyways, if you think you’re going through a lot, just remember, it really can get worse. Like, mad worse. Things can go south so fast the contrast feels like day and night. Ciao. @f...

"Not every battle is between good and evil. Some are between good and what merely looks like it", ~ X In the words of Pojomatics, there's evil, there's good, and then there's pseudo good. We all know what evil is, but let's look at it from the Hebrew perspective. The Hebrew word often translated as evil is rah. Depending on the context, it can mean evil, disaster, adversity, harm, or ruin. On the other hand, the Hebrew word for good is tov, which describes something that functions as it should and promotes life, beauty, and well being. These are two extremes. But what if I told you there's another side? The Pseudo X. It could be pseudo good or pseudo evil. I find this concept fascinating because pseudo good seems to exist somewhere between good and evil. It appears to be a middle ground, but it's a false one, and that's exactly what makes it dangerous. So what is pseudo good? It is that which wears the appearance of tov while being rah ...

"You're always the victim or the hero in your own story." ~ X One of the most fascinating things about human beings is that we rarely experience reality as it is. We experience it as we perceive it. When we look back at a situation, we don't always see what actually happened. We see what happened through the lens of our emotions, assumptions, experiences, and blind spots. Your perception of what happened is not always what happened. Maybe that's why we're almost always the good person in our own narration. We tell the story in a way that makes our intentions obvious and our mistakes understandable. We explain away our actions because, to us, they make sense. I offended a friend recently, for days, I was upset that they hadn't reached out to me. In my version of the story, I was the one who had been wronged, then we finally had a conversation. That was when it dawned on me that I had been the villain, not by intention, but by my actions. The impact of what ...

For the past few weeks, I have been dealing with an issue with my WAEC date of birth. One tiny error meant I had to update almost every official document I own. It has had me moving from office to office, getting lost and finding my way again almost every Eke market day. The frustrating part is that everything had to be sorted before my exams. And if you've ever tried correcting an error in Nigeria, you already know the drill. It takes time, the process is tedious, and by the end of it, you're stressed out. I had already gone through several major stages of the process. Today was the final one, my JAMB change of data. Now, I had heard all sorts of horror stories about the JAMB office in Benin. Stories of people arriving by 7 a.m only to leave by 8 p.m, stories of endless queues, frustration, and wasted days. Naturally, I dreaded going. It didn't help that I woke up around 6am, when I should have been leaving by 6:30. To make matters worse, I almost got lost agai...

"I have a terrible habit of leaving things unsaid for the sake of peace." ~ X The fact is, this is completely unnecessary. Often, when we leave things unsaid for the so called sake of peace, what follows isn't peace at all. It only breeds loathing in the one who had so much to say but chose silence, and oblivion in the one who assumes everything is fine simply because they were never confronted. I hate confrontation. Truly, I do. But if I do something wrong, please confront me. It'll be a hard pill to swallow, but I'd rather swallow a bitter pill than unknowingly keep hurting someone I care about. In the same vein, if you do something that hurts me, I'll tell you. Not because I want to fight, but because I don't want resentment to find a home in my heart. I've learned that the quickest way to let go of hurt is to bring it into the open. The conversations we avoid today often become the bitterness we carry tomorrow. Peace isn't the absen...

"You need more than enthusiasm or motivation." ~ X Dearest reader, they say when the going gets tough, the tough get going. One day, the enthusiasm will fade, the motivation will wear off. Eventually, it will be just you and your dreams against the world. And in those moments, life will test whether you truly mean business. Starting is difficult, incredibly difficult. But truth be told, it's the simplest kind of difficult you'll ever experience. A friend of mine recently complained that his head felt like it would fall off because of the amount of planning he's doing for a project he's working on. The first thing that came to my mind was this: one day, he'll look back and realize that planning was the easiest part. The deeper you go, the harder it gets. Every new level demands a stronger version of you than the last. There will be days that test your patience, shake your conviction, and make you question whether you know what you're doing at all. Those...

"If you saw the greatest in me and chose to stick with me, then it was a privilege for you. You didn't do me a favour." ~ X One of the strangest forms of entitlement is believing that believing in someone automatically makes you indispensable to their story. Somehow, we've convinced ourselves that sticking with people, supporting them, or seeing their potential means we've done them some extraordinary favour. That without us, they wouldn't have become who they are. But that's such a narrow way to see relationships. If anything, walking alongside someone as they grow is one of life's greatest privileges. You get front row seats to their becoming, you witness prayers turn into testimonies, you watch discipline become excellence, small beginnings become remarkable stories, and dreams slowly take shape. If you're paying attention, their growth should spill over into your own, it should challenge you. Inspire you, propel you towards becoming better your...

"The me I see is the me I'll become." ~ X I've always been heavy on self perception like mahd. I was watching a YouTube video today when the YouTuber said something that completely blew my mind. He said, and I quote, "The strongest part of the human mind is the need to maintain consistency with our identity." It was such a gbam! moment. Not because it was a new concept, but because it confirmed one of my deepest axioms. One question I always ask people is, "How do you see you?" because everything that's possible for you stems from how you see yourself. We are constantly trying to stay consistent with the kind of person we believe we are. People often tell me I'm tenacious, and over time I've found myself sticking things out simply because I've come to believe that's the kind of person I am. In the same way, as the clock inches toward dusk, I know I'll write because I'm the sort of person who writes every day. Did you cat...

You see that thing they say, "When the rain stops falling the umbrella becomes a burden", I practically experienced it firsthand today. Lol. It has been raining up and down for a while now. Just this week I've gotten home drenched up to two times, and today I knew it'd be no different if I didn't take an umbrella. Sure enough, it started drizzling and I was covered. On my way back from school though, the weather had completely cleared, so the umbrella was practically useless and, apparently, a burden. As at the morning it was such a lifesaver, but afterward it was just something added to my stress. It made me think about how quickly our perspective changes. The very thing I couldn't stop appreciating a few hours ago became the same thing I was complaining about carrying. Not because it had changed, but because my circumstances had. It's just like I say quite often, how we don't realize the extent of the promise we're making while we're making t...

It's a lie when I said it was no big deal. Trust me, I was trying to be brave when I said, "We win some, we lose some." I woke up in the middle of the night clutching my chest because I couldn't breathe properly. Later, I cried myself to sleep because the possibility of what if simply wouldn't leave me. I participated in an essay writing competition recently. If you know me, you'll know my writing means the world to me. For me, it isn't just words on a blank page. It is soul to paper. It is pouring out the entirety of my being, unraveling every part of myself and laying it bare. I had plenty of time to write the essay, but I wouldn't be Favour Okwanyionu if I didn't leave things until the last minute. About a week before the deadline, I finally became serious about my research because I was writing on a topic I had little prior knowledge of. Eventually, my essay was ready. Because it meant so much to me, I was intentional. I was meticulous. I remem...

"There's something about falling so many times that the floor starts to feel like home." ~ X The worst kind of failure isn't the one that knocks you down. It's the one that teaches you to stay down. You've failed so much that you slowly begin to comply with it, you stop expecting things to work out, you stop dreaming as loudly, you stop trying as hard because, somehow, you've convinced yourself that disappointment is simply your portion. It's like discovering there's a basement beneath rock bottom, and deciding to furnish it. At first, every setback hurts. You cry, you question everything, you promise yourself you'll never let it happen again. Then it happens again. And again. Then one day, you don't even react anymore. You just dust yourself off and think, "Here we go again." It's funny how humans can adapt to almost anything, even disappointment. Maybe that's why some people never leave the floor. Not because they enjoy ...

I'm hardly a football fan, but one thing I deeply admire about the sport is the passion it inspires. The World Cup is currently ongoing, and you don't even have to watch a match to feel the tension. It's almost electrifying. I remember coming online and seeing that Egypt was leading. Omor I knew it wasn't going to be easy for Messi fans. I was still in transit then, but by the time I got home, I was shocked to discover that Argentina hadn't just equalised, they had gone on to win. Everywhere was alive. One sport having that much impact is astonishing because, damn. On the roads, in the streets, in viewing centres, everywhere possible, people were shouting, celebrating, and basking in the joy of the victory. That's what I envy about football. That's what draws me to it, the raw passion, the unfiltered excitement, the unwavering loyalty. Someone even said they didn't need to eat anymore that night because Messi had already satisfied them. Another joked tha...

A lot of things could be avoided if we just talked. That was the realization I came to today. I had a little quarrel with one of my favorite people, and for a few days we were at odds. It was such a weird feeling because this is literally the person who vets almost all my edits. I'd finish editing something, instinctively want to send it across, then remember we weren't exactly talking, and I'd just keep my phone. I don't keep grudges, that's too much work. I don't even let the sun set on my anger. I'm usually quick to be the bigger person. So as the days passed, I realized I wasn't angry anymore. Hurt? A little. Disappointed? Maybe. But angry? Not anymore. The problem was that we'd both said things in anger, and pride made it difficult to admit that maybe we had gone too far. We both knew something needed to be fixed, but neither of us wanted to be the first to lower our guard. As we finally made efforts to sort things out, it hit me that almost eve...

"What shapes you isn't what you want to become. It's the journey into who you want to become." ~ IAMP Sometimes, the process is frustrating. It's slow, uncomfortable, and can feel completely unnecessary, but that's exactly where the gold lies. I like to say that when it gets really hard, hold on a little longer. It might just be the point where things are about to change. Because in the end, it isn't really about the destination. It's about the process that gets you there. I remember when I decided I wanted to become a writer. I got a coach, excited to start learning how to write better. Instead of jumping straight into writing, he took me through a process. At the time, it honestly felt like pure wickedness. I couldn't understand why we had to spend so much time on drills that didn't seem to have anything to do with writing. Looking back now, I understand how priceless that process was. At the end of the day, it wasn't talent alone that sh...

You know that thing people say about how being scared of something somehow brings it your way? I've always brushed it off as one of those myths people repeat. That was until I experienced something yesterday  Yesterday, I attended my roommate's department fresher's event. At some point, they announced a game session, and immediately I heard the rules for one particular game, my heart started racing. I was genuinely scared, in fact, I almost stood up to leave. My roommate laughed and said, "Calm down, look around. This hall is filled with so many people, the chances of it getting to you are very slim." That sounded reasonable, so I sat back down, well, you can already guess what happened. Out of everyone in that hall, the game found its way to my side. I was so annoyed ehn, but according to my roommate, my fear was the reason it happened. She insisted I somehow "attracted" it by worrying so much. Now, I don't know if that's true. Was it simply coi...

It was my birthday today, and did the birthday blues get to me? Absolutely. I cried three different times today. If you had asked me why, I honestly wouldn't have had a reasonable answer for you. I just felt heavy. Every birthday carries two emotions. There's the thrill of becoming a year older and the panic of actually becoming a year older. This year was no different, except the panic seemed louder than the excitement. Still, I like to think I'm sober. Deeply grateful for life. Grateful that God has preserved me to see another year. I know that is a gift many never get to experience, and I don't take it for granted. The thing about birthdays is that they force you to reflect. They make you pause, look back, and compare where you are with where you thought you would be. And for someone like me, someone who sets specific goals and timelines for herself, birthdays almost always become an evaluation meeting. Did I become who I wanted to be? Did I do enough? Could I have t...

"Cut off the source and what it strengthens will eventually disappear." ~ X There's no fountain without a source. Literally everything we do springs from somewhere or someone. Every habit, every strength, every weakness, every pattern has something feeding it. Once that connection is severed, what it sustains begins to fade. This works both positively and negatively. I remember a season when I fell out of sync with my coach, for a long time, writing became difficult, words that used to flow effortlessly suddenly felt heavy. It wasn't until we found our rhythm again that the ease returned. Did you catch that? The connection was broken, and the flow disappeared. It reminds me of John 15:5 where Jesus said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever remains in me, and I in them, will bear much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." A branch cut off from the vine cannot keep growing, a fish outside water cannot survive. When the source of life is remov...

Somebody in my department, a 500 level student, died. Today, the department held a condolence procession and candlelight walk in his honour. I wasn't planning to attend because, truthfully, I didn't know him personally. But I knew someone who did, and somehow, that was enough to pull me there. It was an emotional roller coaster. He was so young. As people shared their memories of him, I realized just how deeply he had touched the lives around him. There were tears, laughter through tears, and countless stories of kindness, leadership, and love. Even when it started raining, nobody left. We kept walking through the rain, honouring a life that had ended too soon. Listening to those who knew him, it became obvious that he had lived well. He was the kind of person who carried light wherever he went. So when the person anchoring the procession said, "A good life is not marked by the length of days," those words stayed with me. Because as heartbreaking as today was, I left ...