Favvy_Okwans🖤

“I suppose cry today, but I nuh get chance.” Lol. This is funny until it is not. You know that moment when you know you're supposed to be down? Like, all things being equal, you probably shouldn't be fine. You should be sitting somewhere, processing everything, maybe crying a little, maybe staring into space dramatically. But somehow, you've been so occupied that you haven't even had the time to properly process your feelings enough to be sad. So you know you should be sad, but you're not there yet because you're busy. I'll tell you, that's one of the silliest places to be. It is like being stuck in this strange in between where you're not exactly okay, but you're also not falling apart. You're functioning, you're doing what needs to be done, you're laughing when something is funny, you're moving from one thing to another. And somewhere in the back of your mind, there's this tiny voice saying, “By the way, we'r...

There’s no rest for the wicked keh? Omor. Dearest reader, it may seem that I am officially a wicked person because why have I got no rest?  For someone who had earnestly looked forward to this holiday, I’m genuinely baffled by how little rest I’ve actually gotten since it began. At this point, I’m beginning to suspect that “holiday” is just a scam. Since today was crazy, exhaustingly work filled, I do not have any profound insight to share. But I do have a question Kingatha asked me, and I’d genuinely love to hear what you think. Scenario: You are a devoted Christian, the kind who has even converted a good number of Muslims to the Christian faith. There is a war going on, and a particular Muslim is hiding in your house. The people looking for him eventually come to your doorstep and ask: “Have you seen this particular Muslim?” You know fully well that: 1. The Muslim is hiding in your house. 2. If you hand him over, he will be killed. 3. If you deny knowing where he is, you would te...

Content of the day: my nails are pretty.  Lol, it’s crazy how the littlest of the littlest things can make me happy. I could be having one hell of a day, then I’ll hold my hands up, see my nails and immediately burst into a smile. Because my life may suck, but at least I have fine nails.  **** This got me thinking about how often we wait for everything to be okay before we allow ourselves to actually enjoy the moment. But what if it doesn’t have to be perfect? What if it just has to be what it is? I came across a tweet recently that said something along the lines of, “I know you want to be up there, but you are here right now, and here can be beautiful too.” And whew, that’s it. I know your reality might be shitty right now. I know things may not look the way you imagined them. But even in the middle of all of that, there can still be something beautiful. Something silly. Something worth smiling about. Dearest reader, you can try my silly little trick whenever life gets heavy....

There’s this thing my coach says whenever I hit rock bottom. He’ll look at me and say, “Favour, don’t be in a hurry to rush out of this season.” But because I have coconut head, that is usually the exact thing I want to do.  I don’t know how to sit still. I want to fix things, figure things out, move on, get better, do something. Anything but sit in the discomfort and actually face what is happening. As a professional runner, lol, I mean someone who has mastered the art of running instead of confronting things and coming to terms with them, I’ve come to realise that sometimes, you really do need to sit down there and take a nap, resttttrrr  Because the problem you run from today, what is the strategy for solving it tomorrow? The idea is, it’s okay to give up sometimes, it’s okay to be frustrated, tired, angry and exhausted, it’s okay to crash. Smash that dream if you must, fall apart, cry, admit that you don’t have the strength for this right now. But afterwards, you have to p...

Today was my bubugaga’s sign out, and mehn, it was so emotional for me because we had such elaborate plans for it, and somehow, everything just went south. Eventually, we had concluded that we probably wouldn’t be going. That sort of thing. But at the last minute, Kingatha and I decided to show up anyway, and honestly, it was perfect. She wasn’t expecting us at all. The journey was hectic, we were even late, and there were several moments when I wondered if we were doing too much. But the moment we got there, it was all worth it. Madam, who had claimed she would be perfectly fine if we couldn’t make it, literally screamed when she saw us. She ran towards us from a distance and hugged Kingatha, crying. And mehn, it got to me. Like, it meant that much to her that we came? And madam had been pretending to be all chill the whole time? My bubugaga crying in public? It must be AI, lol.nBut it was real and it was beautiful. Beautiful that, despite everything that tried to keep us from showing...

“Two things can be right at the same time.”.~ Kingatha Faith is not the absence of doubt. Low-key, behind every strong conviction is a part of you that wonders, that is not entirely certain, that asks questions and sometimes even doubts, and perhaps that is what makes faith, faith. Having doubts does not mean you do not have faith. You do not need to have some extraordinary, unshakable, mountain-moving kind of faith. Sometimes, all you need is just enough faith to keep going. Because faith and doubt can coexist. You can believe and still have questions, you can trust God and still wonder how things will work out, you can pray with confidence and still have moments where your heart whispers, “But what if it doesn't?” Two things can be right at the same time, you can be afraid and still be courageous, uou can be uncertain and still move forward. You can doubt and still believe. Dearest reader, I think we sometimes put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to have perfect fait...

Okay, that title is a little dramatic, lol. Long story short, I have been my sister’s personal nurse for a while, and one of my job descriptions is administering her medications. Something I had been doing flawlessly, until one day, I got distracted and mistakenly broke an injection bottle wrongly, spilling its entire content. It was awful. It was her last available dose, at an ungodly hour when there was no way to replace it, and she needed it. I felt so bad ehn, i was genuinely pained. I had never made such a mistake before, and apparently, it was an expensive one. Anyways, after that day, something strange happened, I became unable to break injection bottles. It sounds funny, but I genuinely couldn’t do it. I would pick up a bottle to open it, and suddenly, my heart would start racing. My mind would immediately take me back to that moment when I spilled the medication everywhere. I could remember the mistake so vividly that I had already convinced myself, “I can’t do this.” And then...

“Lord, help me cross. Lead me through.” King Solomon certainly wasn't playing when he said in Ecclesiastes that life is hevel. It is often translated as “vanity,” but the original Hebrew carries the idea of something like a vapor, breath, or mystery. Something elusive. Something you cannot quite grasp. Life is an “Lord, help me cross. Lead me through.” King Solomon certainly wasn't playing when he said in Ecclesiastes that life is hevel. It is often translated as “vanity,” but the original Hebrew carries the idea of something like a vapor, breath, or mystery. Something elusive. Something you cannot quite grasp. Life is an enigma. It is designed in such a way that sometimes, the harder you try to make sense of everything, the more questions you seem to have. You think you've finally figured something out, and then life changes the equation again. Recently, I had been hanging on by a thread. It was one of those chaotic seasons where everything felt uncertain, overwhelming, an...

It’s not every day that we are able to give 100% to the people we love. There are days we are drained, depressed, tired, frustrated, or simply running on empty. And I think one of the beautiful things about friendship is learning to give each other more grace during those seasons. I was talking with a friend today, and he mentioned something he calls “percentage love.” It sounded catchy, but the way he explained it fascinated me. He said, when a friend is going through something and all they can give at the moment is 10% of themselves, their energy, or their capacity, sometimes, for that friendship to work, I have to give more. Maybe I have to give 50% so that together, we can still make 60%. Maybe, in that particular season, I have to carry a little more because they simply cannot. And damn, that got me thinking. There are relationships that probably did not need to end, they just needed more of you at a particular point in time. Picture this. You’ve been friends with some...

I was listening to a teaching by Pastor Emmanuel Iren a few days ago, and he explained a concept that I couldn't get over. It was what I later found out is called the moral dilemma, or the trolley problem. Now, I want to ask you the two questions. Take a moment and really think about them. Here are the scenarios: 1. You’re controlling a runaway train. It’s heading towards five people who will die if you do nothing. You can pull a lever to divert the train onto another track, where one person will die. Question: Do you pull the lever? 2. Now imagine that the one person on the other track is your own child. The five people are strangers. Question: Would you still pull the lever? I'm pretty sure that when you read the first question, your answer was almost immediate. Save the lives of five people at the expense of one. It's the lesser evil, abi? But then you read the second question and suddenly, you're like, "Nah. To hell with the multitude. I'm savin...

Sometimes, it’s not about what was said, but how what was said made you feel. A friend of mine had some issues with her clearance this week, and because it’s the last week of our exams, she had to hurry to get everything sorted. She was going from one office to another, trying to fix things, and as you can imagine, she was already completely drained. Then something happened that made me think twice. She came back yesterday after all the stress and burst into tears. After I had calmed her down, I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that someone in one of the offices she had gone to said something mean to her. So I asked, “What did she say?” Guess what? Madam couldn’t remember. The thing that had apparently broken her heart so badly, she couldn’t even remember the exact words. In my head, I was like, “Wait. The thing that made you cry this hard, you can’t remember what was said? As how?” But then I realised something, it wasn’t necessarily the words, it was how those wo...

I had a conversation with a friend today and at the end of the day, one thing I left that conversation with is: I have got to be more selfish. Yes, I will be selling fish! Lol. But seriously, we explored the concept of necessary selfishness, the kind that is necessary to propel you forward. Because sometimes, being a good person can make you too accommodating, you understand everyone’s perspective, you consider everyone’s feelings, you give people grace, you make room for their limitations, and before you know it, you have made your own life negotiable. And I think there is a threshold. Have empathy, absolutely. Give people grace, understand that everyone has their limitations. But at the same time, be very thorough about what you want out of life and what you expect from the people you allow into it. You cannot be so considerate of other people that you become inconsiderate of yourself. There are things you have to be selfish about; your time, your purpose, your standards, the kind of...

There's this thing my coach would always say. He'd be like, "Always come back home when you are trapped." And honestly, there's something so soothing about that. It's giving, if all you can do is crawl, crawl back to your source, and it'll all be fine. There's something priceless about knowing that no matter where I go, no matter how far I wander, I can always come back. If I'm stuck, I can always reach out my hand, if I've lost my way, I know there's somewhere I can return to. I think one season when my coach demonstrated this the most was the season he cut me off several times because I refused to grow. And each time, somehow, I'd come crawling back, not because I deserved another chance, but because I knew that home was still home. And he'd be there, arms open, ready to receive me again. It taught me something about falling. Maybe the point isn't to never fall, maybe the point is to know where to go when you do. W...

“Don’t name situations based on the evidence you see, name it based on the future you desire.” ~ X What do you see? I think one of the craziest stories in the Bible is God telling Abraham, at an old age, to look up at the stars in the sky and try to count them, then telling him that his offspring would be just as numerous. Here’s the catch: Abraham actually believed it, and it was counted to him as faith. That’s such a Gbam!! moment for me because the audacity to see beyond your current situation is not even small. You’ve got to be delusional enough to look at what is and still believe in what could be, then go a step further and name it. Our experiences are limited, and we’re often stuck inside the box of what we’ve seen, what we’ve known and what is currently burdening us. But there are infinite possibilities outside our present reality. That’s why exposure is priceless. Sometimes, you just need to see that something is possible before the dreamer in you has the courage to believe it...

"Good intentions are not good enough." ~ X Gbammmm!! It was Eric Gugua who put it so brilliantly: "Don't put yourself in a position where you are at the mercy of someone else's intention when they don't have the capacity to do right by you." That line has stayed with me. It reminded me that it is entirely possible for someone to have the best intentions and still leave you hurt because their actions never reflect those intentions. While we should extend grace to people, there comes a point where continuously excusing their behaviour becomes self abandonment. Good intentions are beautiful, but they are not enough. The real question is, do your actions agree with your intentions? We are often quick to defend repeated misbehaviour with, "They didn't mean it." But after a while, intention stops being a convincing excuse. What you consistently do eventually becomes a reflection of what you truly intend. You cannot keep doing the same thing over ...

"Why are you angry? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?" ~ Genesis 4:6 to 7 Remember the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis? They both brought sacrifices to God. Abel's sacrifice was accepted, but Cain's wasn't. Cain became angry, hurt, and jealous. What I find interesting is that before Cain murdered his brother, God spoke to him. God didn't immediately condemn him. Instead, He asked, "Why are you angry?" Then He followed it with a question that still speaks today: "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?" In other words, God redirected Cain's attention from Abel back to himself. Cain's problem wasn't that Abel was accepted. His problem was that he refused to deal with the reason his own sacrifice wasn't. How often do we do the same? We get upset when someone else gets the opportunity we wanted, the promotion we prayed for, the recognition we hoped for, or the results we've been chasing. We beco...

"People experience people differently." ~ X I was watching a video today, and the person said, "Siblings do not have the same parents." In my head, I was like, "You say what?" But then it was explained, and it actually made sense. Come to think of it, the way your parents treat you is often different from how they treat your younger or older sibling. Every child gets to experience a unique side of their parents. For instance, the last born is often treated with a little more warmth. They get to experience the more relaxed side of their parents, while the first born is usually raised with stricter hands and higher expectations. Growing up, I had so much freedom. I was the child who could wake up one morning, decide I wanted to attend a camp meeting the next day, pack my bags, and leave. It still baffles my siblings because if they wanted to do something as simple as visit a friend, they either had to sneak out or come up with an elaborate excuse. Me? I'...

There's this thing people do that honestly gets on my nerves. They state the obvious. For instance, I say, "I can't sleep," and the next suggestion is, "Have you tried closing your eyes?" Wow. I didn't think of that. It never occurs to some people that before someone reaches a conclusion, they've probably exhausted the most obvious options already. Most times, when we complain, we're speaking from the point of having tried and still not getting the result we want. So when I say I can't sleep, I've already closed my eyes. When I say I have a headache, trust me, paracetamol has crossed my mind. When I say I'm tired, I've definitely considered resting. Not every complaint is a request for obvious solutions. Sometimes people simply want to be heard, understood, or maybe offered a perspective they haven't considered, not the first thing that came to everyone else's mind. Dearest reader, the next time someone tells you they'...

"If you protect yourself from the lows, you end up missing all the highs too." ~ X The two go hand in hand, the best and the worst. To get to the best, you'd have to be willing to survive the worst. It's all part of the journey. Sometimes we're frightened by the level of risk. We're scared to try because, what if I fail? But if you're never willing to fail, how exactly do you expect to win? Take the germination of a seed, for instance. The seed is planted and covered with soil. It stays dormant for a while, hidden in the dark. At what looks like its lowest point, buried beneath the earth, it begins to sprout. And from that place comes the beautiful plant we admire. Just like the seed, we must understand that growth isn't always glamorous. There will be seasons that feel slow, lonely, and uncertain. Seasons where it seems like nothing is happening, but that doesn't mean nothing is growing. Dearest reader, don't run from the lows so much that you...