Favvy_Okwans🖤

I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're allowed to have feelings about the things you look forward to, even when you understand why they didn't happen. You know that situation where you're looking forward to something, and then it doesn't happen because something comes up? Whatever came up is understandable, and you genuinely get it, but you still feel some kind of way about the whole situation. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm talking about, and I'm here to tell you that it's valid! You're allowed to feel that way. Understanding doesn't make disappointment hurt any less. It gives you perspective, yes, but our very humanness means we have feelings, and they shouldn't be suppressed. They can be communicated, but never suppressed. Sometimes, we go through disappointments and pretend to act like it's all chill simply because we understand why things happened the way they did. But understanding why doesn't annul what happened. Un...

When Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said, “Money is the only thing that gives you power in this world, especially as a woman,” it was, to me, a beautiful quote, like everything else that comes out of her mouth. But recently, it became more than a beautiful quote. I finally understood it in a way I hadn't before. The kind of understanding that comes from having personally experienced the words, from having felt the stench and understood their meaning on the most basic, human level. It stopped being just a beautiful quote, not because it had lost its beauty, but because it had become so intimate. So intimate that I could taste it at the tip of my tongue. Stretch a little further, and I could grasp it, wrap it around my finger. It was no longer just literature. It was a cruel reality. The quote says power, and you immediately think of something far-fetched, something grand, something reserved for people who sit at the top of the world. But power can be anything. It can be the littlest of th...

"Sometimes, doing the right thing doesn't mean you stop wanting the other thing. It means you learn to live with the wanting." ~ X Light is not the absence of darkness, and in the same way, doing the right thing doesn't mean you stop wanting what you had to leave behind. I read somewhere that the road not taken is always has a way of looking greener, and come to think of it, the mind does this silly thing of making us romanticise what could have been. Like the way my mind wanders to how differently my life would have been if I hadn't made the change of school from UNN when I did. But then, I remember that everything that happened in between led me here, exactly where I'm supposed to be. So, it was the right decision. But every now and then, I want Nsukka. I want my magical city, somewhere that may not even be magical after all o. But the point is, there are good decisions you'll make and still find yourself wanting the other things. It's a human tenden...

I make headshot videos. I've been experimenting with them for the longest time, and it's safe to say I've gotten the hang of it. But recently, I decided I wanted to do more. Not just headshots, but vlog-style videos and full-length content. These were new to me, and honestly, a little difficult. On my first attempt, I had a hard time with the audio. It took me an entire month to finally figure out a way around the problem. Now, on my second attempt, I'm having the same issues again, and it's frustrating because I feel like I should be better at this by now. But apparently, I'm not.  Still, with each attempt, I learn something new. I discover a better way to do things, understand what went wrong, and figure out what I can do differently next time. Maybe the next video won't suck as much, but hey, it is what it is. And I think that's the point. Every experience should leave you better than it met you. Not necessarily because you got everything right, but b...

One of my favourite morning routines is T30. What a way to kickstart one's day! Now, there's this particular T30 that explained something I had previously struggled to understand in the Bible. It was the concept of hardness of heart and the ways it can manifest. "Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, In the day of trial in the wilderness." ~ Hebrews 3:8 This gives the idea of hardness of heart a new perspective. It is not merely about forming resistance against God or outrightly refusing to obey Him. If you know the story being referenced here, how the children of Israel were brought out of Egypt with a mighty hand, how they saw the Red Sea part, and yet, when they experienced a little difficulty in the wilderness, they began asking, "Where is God?" then you'll understand. Hardness of heart is when the evidence of God's past faithfulness loses its influence over our present trust in Him. When a new trial makes us respond as though God has ne...

“Ruptured ectopic pregnancy.” Blinks, eyes open. “3 amps of Pentazocine.” Blinks, eyes close. “Go test for PCV.” Drifts off yet again… --- Yeah, that was me at some point today. You may be wondering how I got into this situation or what the situation really was. Well, it all began this morning, before the sun was ready to wake up, and neither was I. But I had barely slept the night before, so we were up, myself and my household. I was running around, trying to sort out transportation to take my sister to the hospital, ensuring everything was going well and she was being attended to. I was supposed to be on my way back to school today, but I guess the universe had other plans. The long and short of it is that today was honestly a lot. And because my response to stress is crying, I first found a corner and cried before facing everything else the day had in store for me. Here's the interesting part of today. At some point, my sister needed blood. I was an obvious match and decided to ...

And just like that, we've come to the end of this series. Finally  Seven days of talking about a video that probably should not have required this much intellectual labour, but here we are. So, after all the conversations, the hot takes, the dragging, and the many things we've managed to read into a few minutes of footage, what exactly have we learnt? Men dey. Yes, they dey, there are men who are young, rich, generous, and willing to give the women they love a beautiful life. There are also men who are still building, men who have different ideas of love, and men whose pockets may not match their intentions. And women? Well, women are not a monolith either. We have different values, different expectations, and different things we consider important in a relationship. Some women want the soft life, some want to build the soft life with their partners, and some want a combination of both. Some will compromise their values for money, others won't, some men will give you the wo...

There's this thing Pastor Iren would say. He'd say, "Proximity to the blessed will make you blessed, and proximity to the cursed will make you cursed." You can make or mar your life by proximity. He'd usually illustrate this with the story of Abraham's interaction with a pagan king made the king successful and how Lot's proximity to Sodom nearly led to his destruction alongside the city. I was having a conversation with a friend today, and he raised a question about whether there could have been innocent people in the biblical cities God instructed the Israelites to destroy and take over. It started as a joke, but there are certain things I don't find particularly funny, one of which is biblical misinterpretation.  My position was that these cities had been given opportunities to turn away from their evil ways, yet they persisted. And when judgment came, the consequences weren't necessarily limited to the individuals whose actions had contributed t...

" "People know exactly what they are doing." That was my exact reaction when I heard her say, "I'm still looking for my previous predator." Because what?? You literally called the person a predator. A predator! Which, if we're going by the hunter's description of the different kinds of men, is the kind of man who hunts, pursues, and goes after what he wants, he doesn't nurture, he's there to kill and eat, and you're telling me that after recognising this person for what he was, you're still looking for him? Now, I understand that human beings are complicated, there are times we know something is bad for us and still find ourselves drawn to it. Sometimes, knowing better and doing better are two entirely different conversations. But this particular statement got me thinking. What exactly are we looking for? From the conversation, she had experienced someone who nurtured her, someone who offered a different kind of treatment, yet she st...

As a society, we are too quick to tear people down for their opinions. We're too quick to marry a misconception to an entire race because of one person's actions. We're too quick to pass judgment, carry our cameras and tripods, and call out people's crap. Sometimes, we don't even wait to understand what a person is saying before we've decided what it means and who else deserves to be dragged alongside them. I came across a reaction video to the famous "Men Dey" video where a man was advising other men not to get married because one woman had spoken about the kind of man she wanted and, from his interpretation of her response, how she seemed to be relinquishing accountability in a relationship. And I couldn't help but wonder, are we being serious here? Because somewhere along the line, we seem to have forgotten that this was one woman's opinion. One woman expressing her preferences, her expectations, and perhaps her own understanding of what a r...

"While the percentage may be applauding, it is not all women." ~ X Watching the "Men Dey" video, it is very easy to misinterpret what went on there. Why? Because what most of us saw was a collection of clipped moments from a much longer video. The goal of such clips is often to get people talking, sometimes even to ragebait us into engagement. And just like that, we pick a side, run with one version of the story, and start acting like experts on a matter we hardly have the full gist of. The pastor eventually had to make a public statement explaining what happened. And honestly, it was one of those things that, if we had looked a little closer, if we had tried to see what was actually in front of us rather than what our biases had already programmed us to see, we might have understood from the beginning. You see, the "Men Dey" response wasn't necessarily an entire hall filled with women independently declaring that men who could provide a lavish lifesty...

There's this thing my boss always says that I used to find ridiculous, but over time, I began to understand it. He'd say, "There is certain knowledge I don't want to have," and I'd be perplexed. Because as how na? How can you deliberately not want to know something? But here's the thing: it is so much easier to learn when you don't have to unlearn first before you learn. Something that stood out to me in that video was the pastor talking about how being with older, richer, or often married men can heighten a woman's appetite. And I think there's something worth paying attention to here. This is the same principle at play when we talk about a yahoo boy finding it difficult to settle into a regular job. When you've become accustomed to making money through shortcuts, the thought of working a regular job, earning gradually and building something over time can begin to feel almost unreasonable. It's not necessarily that the job has no value...

"They are always exceptions to the rule, but what makes you feel that you can be the exception?" ~ Mr Paul. Before I talk about the video, lemme tell you a story from one of the medical series I've been watching. There's this character, Izzie Stevens. She woke up one day to discover that she had cancer, but the cancer had dangerously spread. Even with treatment, radiation and multiple surgeries, she had only a 5% chance of survival. Five per cent wasn't much, but it was all she had, so she fought. And somehow, she survived. It was a medical miracle. Nobody treating her believed she would make it, but she did. Now, Izzie was that one in a million chance. Because even people with a 70% chance of survival can still die, do you get? A high chance of survival doesn't guarantee life, and a slim chance doesn't make survival impossible. Now, back to the video. Men dey. The idea is that somewhere out there, there are still young, rich men who are ready to spend lav...

“When we overcompromise for the people we love, it soon turns to resentment.” ~ X In the words of Huwa, stop glamourizing the art of chipping away at your own spirit to make someone else whole when they don't even recognise it. We do this silly thing when we're in love or when we love people. We give up parts of ourselves to please them until one day, we can no longer recognise ourselves. I remember attempting to learn how to play the drums because I liked a drummer, lol. One time, I even learnt to play the famous Free Fire video game for a guy, or watched an entire 80-episode series just to have something to talk about with a friend. But growing up is realising that I didn't have to. Yes, love requires compromise, but when we begin to overcompromise, it is no longer just compromise. It becomes giving up the very things that make us who we are. And that can quickly spiral into resentment in the long run. There's this really cool couple in Grey's Anatomy, Arizona and...

"A man without conviction would fall for anything." ~ PVO One of the things I think is important is having a mind of your own. It's so easy to get carried away by what everyone else thinks, what is trending, or what people around you believe. Before you know it, you're agreeing with things you don't even understand, simply because everybody else seems to agree. You need to know what you believe in and why you believe it. You can't afford to be a coconut head that just goes wherever the wind blows, abi? Dearest reader, do you have convictions of your own, or do you just go with the flow? The world around you is constantly suggesting and if you do not forge a firm conviction you'd wake up one day and not be able to recognise yourself anymore because you've become everything and anything.  A friend of mine would say, you have to choose the kind of person you want to be, and we all choose but the funny thing is, not choosing is also choosing but then you b...

"The image of God locked up in sin." ~ PST Kenny How do you see unbelievers? Humans are judgmental. We often have a superiority complex, and it's evident in the way we explain away our part in conflicts, in our tendency to blame everyone else but ourselves, and in how strongly we feel about the things that concern us while vaguely understating the things that concern others. We do it in church too. Subconsciously or consciously, we suddenly take "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers" more seriously. We preach and emphasize condemnation so frequently that we begin to position ourselves as the elites of the human race, like the cool kids' table where everyone else is filthy and unworthy. But what if we looked at everyone else as the image of God? All mankind was made in the image and likeness of God. It's a given. You don't have to be in Christ to have been created in His image. Do you get? However, what distinguishes us as Christians...

You have no idea just how close you are. On today's episode of Grey's Anatomy, a surgeon participated in physician-assisted suicide. The patient was terminally ill. She was going to die; it was only a matter of time. But she was in so much pain, and she wanted to be put out of her misery. If you asked me, omor, beautiful choice oo, but another surgeon, Owen Hunt, who had previously served in the military, was totally against it. He tried to stop the procedure and convince both the patient and the surgeon attending to her not to go through with it. Initially, I was pissed at him. I was like, "Bro, leave the woman to die na. At least that's one decision that's up to her." Kinda shii. But it wasn't until the episode was drawing to an end that I began to understand where he was coming from. While serving in the military, Owen had lost a friend. They had survived an explosion, but his friend was severely injured while Owen was relatively unharmed. He tried ever...

“God made you short, but who made you quiet?” We are all perfectly imperfect humans. We have shortcomings here and there, things that are way out of our control, and that sucks. But we also have things we can control, things we can decide on, things we can change. Sitting around blaming the universe for everything is just such a victimistic thing to do. Yes, you are short, but I bet there is something about you that you can at least have control over, something you have a say in, and you know this. What we do, you and I both, which is sad, by the way, is focus so much on the things and places where we lack that we neglect the things we can actually fix. Dearest reader, we are all disadvantaged in some ways, but we need to look past those disadvantages and figure out what to do with the advantages we have been handed as well. Because really, we are not handed a bunch of disadvantages without an edge. That is not how it works. So, you may be short, like Dr. Bailey in today's episode ...

So, Kingatha and I do this crazy thing where we talk about stories, books, and movies alike as though they are things we have experienced ourselves. You need to see us discussing Grey's Anatomy, talking about Derek's eyes, or discussing a book character we have never met and only know through the pages we've read. It's fun, and because of our active imaginations, we get to talk about these stories as though they are tangibly real. So today, in a bid to explain how sometimes you have an experience that feels like the best thing that could ever exist, only to experience something even better later and realise just how ordinary the first experience had been, Kingatha pulled out the "Ceiling Versus Insom" card. It was a beautiful reference, and I got the gist immediately. Now, for some background, Ceiling was the silly name Ifemelu called Obinze in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Americanah. It was very cute, like an inside joke only the couple understood. Insom, o...