Favvy_Okwans🖤

There's someone I love, and she always says, “Whatever you are doing at the moment may not be what you want to do, but it's preparing you for where you are going.” She tells a story about a sister of hers who had a really crappy job, the kind of job you go home from complaining about every single day. And each time she'd tell her sister not to quit, to hold on a little longer, because the version of herself she was growing into during that crappy job season would be needed when she finally landed her dream job. And she did. She landed her dream job, and guess what? There was a need for a particular skill set she had developed while working that crappy job. Dearest reader, I'm always intrigued whenever she retells this story because it's pretty simple, yet profound. Sometimes, we are so focused on getting out of a season that we fail to ask what the season is trying to grow in us. We call it a detour because it doesn't look like the destination, we call it a crap...

Creativity, they say, is making something from nothing, Reaching into the invisible and giving it a name. Emotions become colours, sentences, shapes and sounds, And suddenly, what lived only inside you can live in another. Take poetry, for instance. “I grow old, I grow old, I shall wear my trousers, rolled up.” My darling, that is bathos. A literary device I learnt recently, and somehow, learning its name made me love art even more. In science, we spend our time trying to explain what is. Very often, art asks a different question; what if we simply felt it? It can make you experience a heartbreak you have never had, taste a grief you have never known, or hold a fear as tangible as the palm of your hand. That is the strange beauty of the arts. They do not always explain the human experience. Sometimes, they simply make you feel it. You can explain bathos, of course. You can define poetry, dissect a painting, analyse a story, name every technique and every stroke. But art was...

The highlight of my day was finding out that a post I made months ago got 3,000 views on TikTok. Now, quick backstory. I had almost given up on showing up, and I had this conversation with someone I really looked up to. She made me do an exercise. She said, “You’re complaining about 100 views and 300 views? Go on Google and search for a picture of a room filled with 100 people.” I did. Then she said, “That’s how many people saw your post.” She asked me to do the same for 300 people. I did, and she asked if I had 300 friends. I said no. And she said, “That’s 300 people you don’t know watching you.” Factually, I knew this, I knew it wasn’t really about views, likes, or numbers, i knew visibility takes time. But honestly, I was exhausted. So, it wasn’t until today that I finally had the courage to open my account, only to be met with the surprise of a 3k view. For someone who had just been taught to appreciate the significance of 300 people viewing my post, seeing that 3,000 people had vi...

They are just some conversations you need to have. One of my biggest role models was in town, and it was an absolute honour to meet her today. For me, it was a priceless meet up, and I’m genuinely grateful it happened. You know that feeling when you’ve been bottling so much inside, and then you finally get to release it all? It was that kind of experience for me. To be heard, to be seen. I left there with a lighter heart after carrying around for days what felt like the weight of the whole world. There’s a kind of lightness that comes with clarity, and it is utterly beautiful. I still have problems to fix, but I gained valuable insight and direction. As we spoke, I could see in HD what needed fixing, what needed changing, and perhaps most importantly, where to begin. Dearest reader, shout out to all the people in our lives who make us feel like we matter. The ones who will sit with us as we unravel for hours and help us find a way through what seems like darkness. The ones who hold up ...

“You don't have a discipline problem, you have an identity problem.” Gbammmmm!!! People will do almost anything that aligns with the kind of person they believe themselves to be. We all struggle to maintain consistency, but once you can convince yourself, “This is who I am,” your actions begin to follow that identity. For instance, I am the kind of person who writes every day. So even on the days when I am exhausted, frustrated, drowning, crying, or hanging on by a thread, I still write. Not because I always feel like it, but because writing has become part of my identity. And there is hardly anything we protect as fiercely as the identities we have built for ourselves. So what if, instead of constantly forcing yourself to do the things you want to do, you became the kind of person who naturally does them? Notice something interesting throughout Scripture. Whenever God brought people into a new dimension of purpose, He often marked that transformation by changing or redefining thei...

The intent of your thoughts will determine your actions. This is why King Solomon says in Proverbs, “As a man thinks, so is he.” He thinks = the intent of his thoughts. He is = his state of being. And we know that being translates into doing, because what we do, most times, is simply an expression of who we are, which in turn is shaped by the intent of our thoughts. I was conversing with a friend sometime last week, and I said, “Intentions are not enough.” We were looking at a situation where the intentions were pure, but the result was a disaster, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. So, basically, intent, which is how we think, equals being, which is how we are. Therefore, there should be some level of uniformity between the two. If intent and being are one, then how is it possible for intent to be completely different from action? I thought about it long and hard and came to the realisation that perhaps the problem is dissonance. That uncomfortable state where what you think i...

"Gosh!!! I give such good advice, i wish I could take them." I was reading one of the contents I posted this week and I was like, "Mehn, I give such good advice, i wish I could take them." Many a time, when I say "dearest reader," I'm not even addressing my readers. When I write, I don't really consider my audience. It's just about me really. So, by the time I get to that concluding paragraph where I'm seemingly addressing the reader, I'm most times secretly begging myself to take my own solid advice. And it's funny and crazy at the same time. But I think that's the beauty of it all. I get to take a thought, an experience, or an idea, put it into words, and somehow draw out an insight from it to pass across. But in the process of teaching someone else, I'm also teaching myself. Sometimes, I write about lessons I've already learnt. Other times, I write about lessons I'm still learning. And perhaps that...

“I suppose cry today, but I nuh get chance.” Lol. This is funny until it is not. You know that moment when you know you're supposed to be down? Like, all things being equal, you probably shouldn't be fine. You should be sitting somewhere, processing everything, maybe crying a little, maybe staring into space dramatically. But somehow, you've been so occupied that you haven't even had the time to properly process your feelings enough to be sad. So you know you should be sad, but you're not there yet because you're busy. I'll tell you, that's one of the silliest places to be. It is like being stuck in this strange in between where you're not exactly okay, but you're also not falling apart. You're functioning, you're doing what needs to be done, you're laughing when something is funny, you're moving from one thing to another. And somewhere in the back of your mind, there's this tiny voice saying, “By the way, we'r...

There’s no rest for the wicked keh? Omor. Dearest reader, it may seem that I am officially a wicked person because why have I got no rest?  For someone who had earnestly looked forward to this holiday, I’m genuinely baffled by how little rest I’ve actually gotten since it began. At this point, I’m beginning to suspect that “holiday” is just a scam. Since today was crazy, exhaustingly work filled, I do not have any profound insight to share. But I do have a question Kingatha asked me, and I’d genuinely love to hear what you think. Scenario: You are a devoted Christian, the kind who has even converted a good number of Muslims to the Christian faith. There is a war going on, and a particular Muslim is hiding in your house. The people looking for him eventually come to your doorstep and ask: “Have you seen this particular Muslim?” You know fully well that: 1. The Muslim is hiding in your house. 2. If you hand him over, he will be killed. 3. If you deny knowing where he is, you would te...

Content of the day: my nails are pretty.  Lol, it’s crazy how the littlest of the littlest things can make me happy. I could be having one hell of a day, then I’ll hold my hands up, see my nails and immediately burst into a smile. Because my life may suck, but at least I have fine nails.  **** This got me thinking about how often we wait for everything to be okay before we allow ourselves to actually enjoy the moment. But what if it doesn’t have to be perfect? What if it just has to be what it is? I came across a tweet recently that said something along the lines of, “I know you want to be up there, but you are here right now, and here can be beautiful too.” And whew, that’s it. I know your reality might be shitty right now. I know things may not look the way you imagined them. But even in the middle of all of that, there can still be something beautiful. Something silly. Something worth smiling about. Dearest reader, you can try my silly little trick whenever life gets heavy....

There’s this thing my coach says whenever I hit rock bottom. He’ll look at me and say, “Favour, don’t be in a hurry to rush out of this season.” But because I have coconut head, that is usually the exact thing I want to do.  I don’t know how to sit still. I want to fix things, figure things out, move on, get better, do something. Anything but sit in the discomfort and actually face what is happening. As a professional runner, lol, I mean someone who has mastered the art of running instead of confronting things and coming to terms with them, I’ve come to realise that sometimes, you really do need to sit down there and take a nap, resttttrrr  Because the problem you run from today, what is the strategy for solving it tomorrow? The idea is, it’s okay to give up sometimes, it’s okay to be frustrated, tired, angry and exhausted, it’s okay to crash. Smash that dream if you must, fall apart, cry, admit that you don’t have the strength for this right now. But afterwards, you have to p...

Today was my bubugaga’s sign out, and mehn, it was so emotional for me because we had such elaborate plans for it, and somehow, everything just went south. Eventually, we had concluded that we probably wouldn’t be going. That sort of thing. But at the last minute, Kingatha and I decided to show up anyway, and honestly, it was perfect. She wasn’t expecting us at all. The journey was hectic, we were even late, and there were several moments when I wondered if we were doing too much. But the moment we got there, it was all worth it. Madam, who had claimed she would be perfectly fine if we couldn’t make it, literally screamed when she saw us. She ran towards us from a distance and hugged Kingatha, crying. And mehn, it got to me. Like, it meant that much to her that we came? And madam had been pretending to be all chill the whole time? My bubugaga crying in public? It must be AI, lol.nBut it was real and it was beautiful. Beautiful that, despite everything that tried to keep us from showing...

“Two things can be right at the same time.”.~ Kingatha Faith is not the absence of doubt. Low-key, behind every strong conviction is a part of you that wonders, that is not entirely certain, that asks questions and sometimes even doubts, and perhaps that is what makes faith, faith. Having doubts does not mean you do not have faith. You do not need to have some extraordinary, unshakable, mountain-moving kind of faith. Sometimes, all you need is just enough faith to keep going. Because faith and doubt can coexist. You can believe and still have questions, you can trust God and still wonder how things will work out, you can pray with confidence and still have moments where your heart whispers, “But what if it doesn't?” Two things can be right at the same time, you can be afraid and still be courageous, uou can be uncertain and still move forward. You can doubt and still believe. Dearest reader, I think we sometimes put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to have perfect fait...

Okay, that title is a little dramatic, lol. Long story short, I have been my sister’s personal nurse for a while, and one of my job descriptions is administering her medications. Something I had been doing flawlessly, until one day, I got distracted and mistakenly broke an injection bottle wrongly, spilling its entire content. It was awful. It was her last available dose, at an ungodly hour when there was no way to replace it, and she needed it. I felt so bad ehn, i was genuinely pained. I had never made such a mistake before, and apparently, it was an expensive one. Anyways, after that day, something strange happened, I became unable to break injection bottles. It sounds funny, but I genuinely couldn’t do it. I would pick up a bottle to open it, and suddenly, my heart would start racing. My mind would immediately take me back to that moment when I spilled the medication everywhere. I could remember the mistake so vividly that I had already convinced myself, “I can’t do this.” And then...

“Lord, help me cross. Lead me through.” King Solomon certainly wasn't playing when he said in Ecclesiastes that life is hevel. It is often translated as “vanity,” but the original Hebrew carries the idea of something like a vapor, breath, or mystery. Something elusive. Something you cannot quite grasp. Life is an “Lord, help me cross. Lead me through.” King Solomon certainly wasn't playing when he said in Ecclesiastes that life is hevel. It is often translated as “vanity,” but the original Hebrew carries the idea of something like a vapor, breath, or mystery. Something elusive. Something you cannot quite grasp. Life is an enigma. It is designed in such a way that sometimes, the harder you try to make sense of everything, the more questions you seem to have. You think you've finally figured something out, and then life changes the equation again. Recently, I had been hanging on by a thread. It was one of those chaotic seasons where everything felt uncertain, overwhelming, an...

It’s not every day that we are able to give 100% to the people we love. There are days we are drained, depressed, tired, frustrated, or simply running on empty. And I think one of the beautiful things about friendship is learning to give each other more grace during those seasons. I was talking with a friend today, and he mentioned something he calls “percentage love.” It sounded catchy, but the way he explained it fascinated me. He said, when a friend is going through something and all they can give at the moment is 10% of themselves, their energy, or their capacity, sometimes, for that friendship to work, I have to give more. Maybe I have to give 50% so that together, we can still make 60%. Maybe, in that particular season, I have to carry a little more because they simply cannot. And damn, that got me thinking. There are relationships that probably did not need to end, they just needed more of you at a particular point in time. Picture this. You’ve been friends with some...

I was listening to a teaching by Pastor Emmanuel Iren a few days ago, and he explained a concept that I couldn't get over. It was what I later found out is called the moral dilemma, or the trolley problem. Now, I want to ask you the two questions. Take a moment and really think about them. Here are the scenarios: 1. You’re controlling a runaway train. It’s heading towards five people who will die if you do nothing. You can pull a lever to divert the train onto another track, where one person will die. Question: Do you pull the lever? 2. Now imagine that the one person on the other track is your own child. The five people are strangers. Question: Would you still pull the lever? I'm pretty sure that when you read the first question, your answer was almost immediate. Save the lives of five people at the expense of one. It's the lesser evil, abi? But then you read the second question and suddenly, you're like, "Nah. To hell with the multitude. I'm savin...

Sometimes, it’s not about what was said, but how what was said made you feel. A friend of mine had some issues with her clearance this week, and because it’s the last week of our exams, she had to hurry to get everything sorted. She was going from one office to another, trying to fix things, and as you can imagine, she was already completely drained. Then something happened that made me think twice. She came back yesterday after all the stress and burst into tears. After I had calmed her down, I asked her what was wrong, and she told me that someone in one of the offices she had gone to said something mean to her. So I asked, “What did she say?” Guess what? Madam couldn’t remember. The thing that had apparently broken her heart so badly, she couldn’t even remember the exact words. In my head, I was like, “Wait. The thing that made you cry this hard, you can’t remember what was said? As how?” But then I realised something, it wasn’t necessarily the words, it was how those wo...

I had a conversation with a friend today and at the end of the day, one thing I left that conversation with is: I have got to be more selfish. Yes, I will be selling fish! Lol. But seriously, we explored the concept of necessary selfishness, the kind that is necessary to propel you forward. Because sometimes, being a good person can make you too accommodating, you understand everyone’s perspective, you consider everyone’s feelings, you give people grace, you make room for their limitations, and before you know it, you have made your own life negotiable. And I think there is a threshold. Have empathy, absolutely. Give people grace, understand that everyone has their limitations. But at the same time, be very thorough about what you want out of life and what you expect from the people you allow into it. You cannot be so considerate of other people that you become inconsiderate of yourself. There are things you have to be selfish about; your time, your purpose, your standards, the kind of...